Feeling jealous?

We suffer from an incurable disease called jealousy and oddly and inexplicably, it is always attributed to women. The feeling is mutual between men & women. You’d find of course very few to none (in case of men) admit to their jealousies; petty or major. Yet, I choose not to accept that jealousy is a feminine trait and men don’t care for things like this. But then again 80% of men believe Kratos (War of God) is their best friend and that Jimmy Choo is the name of their Japanese neighbor. I think a guy would in fact consider another man’s long hair a good enough reason to make fun of, (claiming it makes him look like a woman) than admit that they are jealous of the fact that women like the long hair. Isn’t that jealousy? In its purest form?

Women, contrary to popular belief are rarely jealous. They are in fact envious. There is a clear difference between jealousy and envy. Envy is mostly derived from a sense of low self esteem that sometimes results from an upward social comparison threatening a person’s self image. The other person has something that you may consider important to have or important to raise your social position.

In proper usage, jealousy is the fear of losing something one may possess to another person (including a loved one) while envy is merely the frustration or pain of not having something that someone else has. I would say envy is mostly wistful. Both envy and jealousy are distinct emotional experiences. Even so, it is envy that is one of the seven deadly sins. 🙂

The human mind is a complex thing, and I agree with one of my friends’ when she says it is also a matter of extreme interest. How is it that some things sway some people, but at the same time others don’t really give a damn about it? How is it that to one man it may be worth the world but to another its just trash?

Somebody once told me to kill the green-eyed monster would be the biggest achievement of a man’s life. This ugly monster ruins lives. Yes, a positive, though somewhat unrealistic, approach to it would be to learn from it and understand it. Apparently jealousy is easy to overcome once you understand what it’s teaching you- did you know that? People would spend money on breast implants or plastic surgery yet they would not bother spending a tiny amount of time to treat their jealousy. I mean, once you accept it as a problem, isn’t a serious psychological situation such as jealousy worth treating, before getting body enhancements? Just goes to show how people can’t really prioritize things.

A friend of mine once sent me a text message that said, “people are wasting so much money and time on breast implants and Viagra but nobody is bothering to spend time, money and energy on Alzheimer’s. Soon women would have huge knockers and men would have huge erections but they just won’t remember what its for” 🙂

Just goes to say we are not dealing with the right problems. I don’t mean everybody but those with a serious problem at least.

Everybody has that one friend, who has bad, almost terrible taste in men and but still ends up dating the most jealous guy, in a 50 mile radius. Its like they hand pick these men! We all know how jealousy can ruin a perfectly healthy relationship. How a nice person becomes this ugly monster out to ruin himself/herself and everybody else along the way. We read it in books, see it in movies and every soap opera in the world has this angle worked into its story.

I will not deny that women don’t get jealous, but her techniques of dealing with the situation are so much subtler. Of all the crazy women situations, I have never once heard of her having a catfight merely on the basis of an assumption. Jealous or not, I do believe women have a natural tendency to give men the benefit of the doubt.

It all comes down to the fact that as a girl I would see another girl with the most beautiful pair of gold Manolo Blahnik slingbacks and I would sigh and wish I had them. Good for her!!! She has that pair but I wish I did too. A boy of course would see somebody wearing a pair of Air Jordan and would consider it a display of wealth. Aah! Men! Go figure them and then they have the audacity to say we women get jealous easily. And we are hard to handle. Really? 🙂

jealousy

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To be or not to be….My frenemy!

Quite often we come across people we just don’t like. Maybe, a colleague, or a relative, or somebody who provides an essential service, like the maid perhaps? or the dry cleaner?

You cannot deny that there are such people in your life. However hard you try, these people just don’t make it to your “Favorite people” list. And 90% of the time you don’t really have any option but to put up with them. So what do you do when you come face to face with a person like that? Do you look the other way? Do you gulp everything you’re dying to say or do you actually go ahead an say it, fully aware that the person on the receiving end needs to deal with you, as much as you need to deal with them?

All that aside, then there is the case of frenemies. 😀

A lot of women, tend to refer to other women in their circles as “frenemies“. Ever wondered where the term frenemies really came from?? You have a friend. You call that person a friend because (and I’m referring to a woman’s perspective ONLY) you really can’t call her anything else and she is nice to you and even polite, but she is more than willing to turn around and stab you in the back at the blink of an eye. But the chances of that happening are more likely none, because she’s friends with you for a reason- either you’re in the same circle of friends, or you share a class or you both need each other to help finish the ugly project you have to submit for midterms, or better yet- she is the girl your brother is dating.

That’s my favorite one! Your brother calls you both his special girls, and he assumes you will get along fabulously because you have him in common and which 2 unrelated women in the world, did NOT get along when their connection was a man they both would kill for???? Men are weird like that. They don’t really understand the complexities of female relationships, and I don’t blame them. Even women sometimes cannot understand the complexities of their own relationships with other women. 🙂

So, how do frenemies behave with each other? I haven’t come up with a term for the behavior yet, but I will soon.

Till I come up with said term, I’d like to call it sweet sarcasm.

My husband (Mukul) enjoys doing his own version of sweet sarcasm to people he doesn’t really like and it can be extremely funny, when you’re viewing it from a third party perspective. He doesn’t have any ‘frenemies‘ per se, so he just does it to people he has no option but to deal with, but he won’t let them take him down by being over the top nice either. That’s Mukul for you! 🙂

So here is what Mukul does: He smiles, shrugs and says all that he wants to. If it’s somebody who is related to us through blood or marriage: Mukul puts his palms together, bows his head in respect and then says what he wants.

Putting your palms together is a sign of respect in most south Asian countries. So, by doing that Mukul shows them (relatives) respect, which kind of seals their lips because the physical gesture of showing respect outweighs the words, in that one moment. Also, he does everything simultaneously, which confuses a lot of people and they don’t have as much time to formulate an appropriate reply in their head. Personally, I think that is fantastic!!!!

It’s an acquired skill, and I am yet to acquire it 🙂

Sweet sarcasm or not, you gotta deal with your so called frenemies, or whatever version of frenemies you have. How I like to deal with it is to smile away to glory and keep looking at that person, they know what your thinking, they know you can take them down, and most of all, they know they can’t do without you.

But then again, can you?

In conclusion, I think we all need a frenemy or 2 in our lives, especially women.

Come on girls, can you honestly say our conversations are just as lively if we are NOT bashing our frenemies?? 🙂

When women meet other women they always ask themselves this question in their heads (Probably ask it out loud in sororities):

Hmmmm….To be or not to be? My frenemy?

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