In pursuit of a Prince (Chapter 1)

Ever since she could remember, she always figured her husband would be like one of those guys you see in American movies. Charming, suave, well spoken, well groomed, tall. Handsome wasn’t necessarily on the list but well-groomed, well-spoken and charming trumps good looking any day. She’d daydream about him brewing coffee in the morning; making breakfast on weekends, even cooking on weekdays sometimes. An Indian girl’s American dream! Oh wow! More than anything else, it was the cooking she really looked forward to. It wasn’t as if she was a bad cook or an inexperienced one, quite the contrary but she just liked the idea of being cooked for. A dream of sorts for her, we could say. So she dreamed and dreamed and dreamed about her perfect man and his amazing cooking skills or atleast the idea of him. After all, a girl can dream, can’t she?

As it is in all Indian households, when she was old enough (atleast by their perception) to get married, her parents began looking for alliances. They weren’t closed minded people, oh no they most certainly were not! They, in fact kept asking her if she had a special someone in her life. She kept responding “No yet”. She said she was waiting..waiting for ‘The One’. She told them that she wasn’t going to go looking for him but she would sit back and let him find her. She was convinced that match making activities and online marriage portals wont lead her to him. He was going to carve the path that would lead to her. She had convinced herself that this was how it was meant to be. But you can’t really explain concepts such as these to Indian parents, can you? So what do you do? You give in and you hope that they inadvertently end up creating the bridge that will lead Him to find you.

Being caring and loving parents that they were they listened to her entire monologue on finding The One. They contemplated and subsequently confirmed that she did in fact want to get married, but her reassurances just confused them more. But she said, she wanted somebody who could cook. Parents being parents, they didn’t think it was as critical a criterion while selecting a possible husband for their precious darling. And I mean come on! What are you even supposed to say? “Our daughter won’t marry you unless you cook?” That would just sound like our daughter can’t cook. People will just think we didn’t teach her anything. She will come across as spoilt. We can’t risk that! Oh no no no!

So they searched and they met and they introduced their darling to several lovely boys, but she didn’t show too much interest. She returned from each meeting with a new deal breaker every time. The first one was too obsessed with his work; the next one was too obsessed with his looks. The third one seemed to love boys more than girls, and the fourth one smelt funny. The fifth, sixth and seventh were either too educated, too laidback or still connected to his parents with an umbilical cord of sorts. No! No! No! This was not working and she did not want to do it anymore. None of them were right and none of them were Mr.Right. The one she was looking for was just lost, needle in a haystack…you think? Her parents thought it best for her to find somebody on her own. Disappointment turned into sadness and soon depression, and bordered on thoughts like maybe she was being way too picky than was acceptable, maybe she didn’t know what it meant to recognize somebody for their inner beauty? Maybe she didn’t even know what went into deciding what was right for her in terms of a partner? Nobody trained her on the art of selecting a life partner, so how could she possibly be expected to know? There needs to be a rule book on things like this!! Ugh..!! But even amongst all these depressing thoughts, there was one underlining feeling, actually more of a faith now that you think of it. Faith that made her believe, that she was going to find him. He’s literally right around the corner, and when she finally meets him, she’ll recognize him for who he is: The One.

To be continued…

 

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10 ways (tests) to know he is the one!

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Many of my girlfriends, who are still single and living the fabulous life, ask me how I knew my husband was the one for me. Truth is I didn’t and I don’t.. but I believe. I think that makes all the difference in the world. Fact is we never really know who is real and who is lying. There maybe a facade underneath the facade..how will you figure it out?

The best we can do, is look for a few things and the rest? Good faith, strong belief. I’m not an expert but I’ve listed down 10 essential things to look for (tests for him) when you’re trying to decide if he is the one.

  1. When you walk into the room…Is he looking at your face or is he checking out your cleavage?
    1. The ideal situation would be when you walk into the room, he looks at your face first then proceeds to check out your cleavage. (Why shouldn’t he? You’re hot and after all, he’s a man!)
  2. When deciding something…say for example you both decide to watch a movie, how does that conversation generally go about? Him: “I have booked tickets to go watch blah”, You: “I don’t really want to watch that”. Him: “Well..Too bad! I have already booked the tickets”- So no consultation and only Domination?
    1. NO WAY!!! Always consult. You don’t have to like the same things, but that doesn’t mean the other person’s opinion doesn’t count. He needs to take into consideration what you like and what you don’t and if he doesn’t care, then maybe he should find somebody who’s willing to put up with his crap.
  3. Does he respect his parents? Does he care of what they think, how they function? I don’t mean to be tethered to them with the eternal umbilical cord, but respect. Be aware of their feelings and their discomfort.
    1. Remember girls, if he respects his own parents, he will respect your parents as well.
  4. Is he self sufficient? Not how much money his dad has, or how fancy his dad’s car is? What about him? What does he earn?
    1. He may not have riches in his kitty, nor does he have to be the Duke of Yorkshire, but if he didn’t have anything can he take care of himself? or you? When you fall sick, will he drive you to the hospital, or will he wait for his daddy to send a car from home?
  5. How do you feel when he is not around? Do you smile, do you laugh?
    1. I shared this incident with a friend of mine. My husband has a habit of making cheesy jokes. For example, when I ask him what he wants for breakfast, he’d invariably reply “love” and some days he would add “you’re my breakfast, as long as I’m looking at you, I don’t need to eat anything”. I personally hate this drama- It’s so corny! Yet..on any morning, when he doesn’t say something silly, I start worrying if something is wrong. When he is not around, I almost always repeat these stories to my friends and I laugh, coz it’s sweet & funny.
  6. How does he treat your friends? Does he suck up or is he normal like he is with his friends? The trick is to balance. If he is going over the top to make your friends happy, then you’re absolutely right to be suspicious. We should never have to go that far to make somebody happy. It’s wrong of you to expect him to impress your friends as well. Friends are there for a reason- they love you and support you and if you screw up, they slap your face blind. But when you’ve made the right decision he shouldn’t have to impress anybody. They’ll already be impressed.
    1. He should be casual, friendly and just himself. If you’re expecting be somebody he is not to impress your friends, then you should check yourself- It basically means you know you’ve made the wrong choice and you don’t want your friends to throw it in your face so you’re getting him to suck up to them. Not cool girl!
  7. How does he consider your choices? Is he critical or judgmental or supportive?
    1. When my friend wanted to buy an expensive Gucci handbag from her second or third paycheck, her boyfriend couldn’t bring himself to be supportive. He explained to her how he would love for her to treat herself to something that fancy but it was too early to splurge and he would wish that she hold off for another month or so, but if she did’t want to wait then to go ahead and he will manage things at home for the next 2 months- That’s how it should be!
  8. What does he want to do in life?
    1. When my friend was getting married, I asked her husband-to-be what he wanted to do in life.. His response was one of the best I have heard. ” I don’t know what I want to do, but I do know what I want to be- A good husband, and a good father”
  9. What does he expect your position to be in his life? A wife, a friend?
    1. He should never forget you are his wife, but that doesn’t mean you stop being friends. Why should he choose one over the other?
  10. Why does he want to marry you?
    1. Because you make his life better, because with you he can imagine his life being so muchmore successful, because he wants to spend his life making you happy & because he can’t live without your smile.

Make the right decision my lovelies. Have faith, good things will come to you! 🙂

Return of the Queen

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To start off I have to thank the girl (you know who you are!) who had a sizeable role in me actually writing and posting today. Thank you girl! This one is just to brighten up your evening and hopefully make you laugh, and if you don’t, just guffaw a bit to make me happy 🙂

Writing is my passion- love it and I do it all the time, in some way or the other. I started this blog because I wanted to provide an outlet to this passion, and also coz as conceited as I am, I genuinely believe I have lots to talk about and tell you (I mean you– the reader) and I assume that you want to read what I write. But, with my professional life being so busy and full that I just can’t get the time to sit down and articulate my thoughts on so many various topics that are worth talking/writing about. So, my blog suffers and with the lack of regular content I lose a percentage of my readership. I hate it but sometimes it’s so difficult to juggle so many roles.

I wake up as me- the individual, then I transition to the wife, then to the boss at work. I talk to my mom and mom-in-law and I’m the daughter & daughter-in-law; I come home to being the wife and almost everyday I go to bed feeling like a Queen- having achieved everything that I have in the day. The flow of praises from my husband helps a lot in making me feel that way too. It’s amazing how much of a difference it makes- those few words of praise and appreciation, and trust me! My husband is very generous with his praise. I love it and they make me feel like a queen. 🙂

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Anyhow, before I get side tracked and turn the post around and start talking about my husband and my marriage, let us move on. As I was saying I love writing and I think it is an integral part of my life. You can most naturally ask if I love it so much and I don’t write my blog regularly what do I do to fill the void? I write an unnecessary number of emails at work. This is comical but for the sake of writing- I actually once wrote an email that said, “ love the design”, to a colleague who was sitting next to me staring at my computer screen and she said “I’M RIGHT HERE!” I literally had nothing to say! Was actually a first for me.

Besides writing several unnecessary emails I also write several long ones. Situations that don’t require the usage of as many words, sentences and paragraphs. This one time I took 2 hours to write an email because I wanted to make sure I wrote it ‘perfectly’. I wrote & re-wrote and re-wrote and after a few thousand iterations, I arrived at the perfect version of the email. I’m sure you’re wondering what could possibly be the nature of an email that requires being re-written so many times?

It was an email to my boss requesting for 10 days off from work for my sister-in-law’s wedding. Let me give you a brief background. I have the sweetest most amazing boss you could ever ask for. I love her to bits. She has all this amazing world experience and we work together on making our fashion house bigger and better. She has never known me to have a filter in the things I say (not that I have one), or my timing to say those things. So keeping all that in mind you can imagine how bizarre it was for her, my husband (and after this, I’m pretty sure, for you as well) that I worked on this email so much. For your amusement here it is below:

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Hey Boss! (*name replaced*)

I know this is a little odd but I had something really important to discuss with you. I wouldn’t be surprised if your first question is why didn’t I just discuss this with you 3 minutes ago when we were talking on the phone, but I was hesitating to the point of actually stammering. Anyway, I have a wedding in my family and I’m going to need to take off from work from *from date* – *to date*. I’ll be travelling to Delhi for the weeklong festivities. I’ll obviously be available on calls, emails and texts and that goes without saying. I hope it’s ok! I appreciate your support.

Thanks,

*My name*

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That was my email. That really was! What do you have to say now? I told my husband about the whole thing and as I opened my mac and put in the password to show him the e-mail, he kept wondering what I might have actually written. He thought I was probably nonsense-ing about having re-done the email a “ghazzillion” times (in my own words). When I showed him my email, he was like “Really? And you spent 2 hours on that? And you couldn’t have just called?” He couldn’t stop laughing. He gave me that I-wish-I’d-asked-her-parents-to-show-me-a-medical-checkup-certificate-to-confirm-that-she-was-sane-before they-married-her-off-to-me look. I kind of feel sorry for him at times.

Do you want to know my boss’s reply?

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Hey Divya!

Thank you so much for the heads up.

Hope you enjoy the wedding

X

*Boss’s Name*

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My husband asked me the next day why I wrote her an email, and I said because I needed to convey the message and at the time I was feeling super inspired to write, but I didn’t have a topic to write about, so the “not-so-fancy” email was born. I bet she was rolling her eyes while reading the email. I wouldn’t blame her. L

All this stupidity combined with a lovely message from an acquaintance asking me why I stopped writing really brought me back. So here I am…. & this time, I’m here to stay!

It’s the return of the Queen b*****s
!