Parenthood etc.

Being a parent is a feeling that absolutely cannot be put into words. It is easy and hard- all at the same time. You swing between exhaustion and elation so often that eventually the lines start to blur. But it’s awesome!

Before I became pregnant, my husband and I constantly questioned our ability to give up our life as it was, at the time. We read all the blogs we could, spoke to as many friends (who were parents) as we could and tried to figure out a pattern. There is not one single kind of parent or parenthood experience out there. For the most part I would categorize them into these 5:

  • The complainer: The parent who constantly complains of how their life has changed after a baby. Who talks only in past tense, and tries to live life vicariously through you.
  • The Struggler: The parent who will give rise to every hidden OCD instinct you may have. Constantly struggling to keep it together, this parent seems like they are on the brink of a breakdown and seriously need to unwind.
  • The Adventurer: The parent who thinks all the stuff people talk about on Baby center is common & old school. This parent is the pioneer of all things new age from advocating formula feeding against breast feeding to engaging in infant yoga to naming their child “Mango”, this parent is as unconventional as can get.
  • The Stickler: The parent who’d prefer death over doing the opposite of “What to expect, when you’re expecting” says. This parent is constantly researching, can possibly give up showering in favor of reading the 5000-word essay on breast feeding frequencies. This parent is likely to have a panic attack if something goes out plan, or the way it’s referred to in India- if they are asked a question outside of the syllabus.
  • The gangsta: The parent who reads all the information, does all the research, tries the baby yoga, struggles occasionally, but for the most part just goes with instinct, good sense and wings it sometimes. This parent knows that life does not stop because they had a baby, accepts that it’s going to be difficult at times but also knows that there is no bigger joy. This is the parent that knows for a fact that in the end, you gotta do what you gotta do. Basically, me! 🙂 Nah! Just Kidding. I try though!

Just like each child is different, so is each parent, and there is no way to decide which is better than which. Just because somebody is a complainer, doesn’t mean they are taking care of their baby any less than I am. In fact, they are probably doing a much better job. But it’s the constant complaining that undermines all that effort.

When I was pregnant a very dear friend (sort of an older brother really, and the biggest gangsta dad that I know) told my husband and I that those who complain about babies deterring them from “living” their lives, probably weren’t really living their lives the way they wanted to, in the first place- True Story SB! He told us the key was in  adopting some new stuff and letting go of some old stuff.

Till we had the baby, this was just another piece of advice. The first time we went out after the baby, this Became a reality. We realized very quickly that life doesn’t stop because you had a baby. It takes on a new direction. You have new purpose, renewed energy and new plans.

There is no doubt in my mind, that when you have a baby, there are times where you will have to give things up, your needs may be on the backburner to accommodate those of your baby and maybe, just maybe you’ll have days when there is no peace.

But when your baby smiles at you for the first time, rolls over, or starts crawling, you know that everything was worth it just so you can be here in this moment.

The hospital in which my baby was born is an hour+ away from my house. It’s the best in my city and we made the trip every 3-4 weeks in the beginning and now every 7-8weeks for her vaccinations and checkups. Every time we meet my daughter’s pediatrician, he asks us to talk about her. I give him all the updates, talk of her achievements, milestone progress and discuss whatever concerns we have. At the end of it all when he says, “You’re doing a fantastic job, guys”, there is no bigger award in the world!

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Promise Never To Untie- By Hope

A poem on friendship and the love and tenderness between friends…

 

 

The tender words are spoken

Each body and soul bared

Told secrets over endless days

Often doing more than dared

 

New world beyond my door

With intrigued and intensity

Now we have shared our hearts

A bond now made it permanently

 

Facing our days made easier

Despite any type of weather

Each other’s heart felt deeply

Both happy we stuck together

 

It took us little time and effort

The bonding as strong as glue

I now promise never to untie

The strings I have tied with you

 

The understanding of each other

Breaths to take, we breathe the air

As the relationship interchanges

Knowing our loving hearts are there

 

Now we are never left on the outside

Lovingly enter each others domain

Smiling. laughing and forever teasing

But forever friends we then became

Friends

Fear of being forgotten

Do u ever have that dream? The one where you are walking down a dark alley, or maybe in a forest and you hear some noise, so you start running and end up falling in a ditch. I have asked quite a few friends if they ever had this dream (or nightmare, whatever you may want to call it) and most of them said they’d had some version of this dream.

One of my friend’s told me she had this recurring dream of falling down the stairs . Not that, I’m much of a dream analyser but I am quite interested to know what this is supposed to signify.

I am sure of one thing though, that it has to do with the fear of failing, in some way. But then failure could be of any kind. Failure in love, in your career, in the way you raised your children, in your education, in your marriage, in your friendships or even something as trivial as failure to make the right choices.

But of all the people I asked, there was somebody who told me that there is a chance that you could “fail to make a mark” on somebody. Basically he feared, that he would fail to leave a good impression on anybody in his lifetime, and would be forgotten easily. It may seem funny or even ridiculous to all or some of you, but did you know, the fear of being forgotten, ignored, or abandoned is a condition called athazagoraphobia?????? Ya! It’s legit!

The fear of being forgotten exists in more people than you would expect. People constantly strive to be the centre of attention many a times, ensuring that people remember them in one way or another. It was hard for me to imagine that such a fear exists. I always thought it worked in the most simple way, if you’re good to people then people will be good to you, and that’s the people you leave a mark on. That’s the people who are gonna cry at your funeral, coz you’re not with them anymore.

Often I have found that people who are withdrawn or shy are prone to worry about whether or not they are being remembered by the people they care about. A person’s own insecurities or past experiences in which he or she has been forgotten by someone important in their lives can be a huge factor in the rise of such fears and also possessiveness in a relationship.

But I am neither withdrawn nor insecure about being forgotten. My fear is not the absence of people at my funeral. My fear is the absence of people in my life when I’m alive. My failure would be in the presence of thousands of people fake crying, fake sympathising-pretending to care when they really don’t. But my biggest failure would be the absence of friends in my lowest moment.

Unlike my friend (who has some version of athazagoraphobia) I don’t fear the fact that someday, after I die, I’ll be forgotten. Of course I will be! Everybody will move on, and I hope they will remember me fondly for something I once said or maybe a song I sang or a picture I took.

So, clinical athazagoraphobia would be fear of situations such as meeting an old mate from primary school, somebody who probably sat next to you for 2 whole years, and he’d say “I don’t know you”; or fear of a situation, where after working in an office for 10 years, when you finally quit, nobody comes outside to say goodbye to you.

The fear of being forgotten is much stronger than you can ever imagine it to be. Everybody wants to be a celebrity- they want the money, the fame and so on. What is fame? Your popularity? Your ‘stardom’? Your mark on the world? Your way to make sure in the history of the world, your name is bold, italicised and underlined? Is it athazagoraphobia???

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