Parenthood etc.

Being a parent is a feeling that absolutely cannot be put into words. It is easy and hard- all at the same time. You swing between exhaustion and elation so often that eventually the lines start to blur. But it’s awesome!

Before I became pregnant, my husband and I constantly questioned our ability to give up our life as it was, at the time. We read all the blogs we could, spoke to as many friends (who were parents) as we could and tried to figure out a pattern. There is not one single kind of parent or parenthood experience out there. For the most part I would categorize them into these 5:

  • The complainer: The parent who constantly complains of how their life has changed after a baby. Who talks only in past tense, and tries to live life vicariously through you.
  • The Struggler: The parent who will give rise to every hidden OCD instinct you may have. Constantly struggling to keep it together, this parent seems like they are on the brink of a breakdown and seriously need to unwind.
  • The Adventurer: The parent who thinks all the stuff people talk about on Baby center is common & old school. This parent is the pioneer of all things new age from advocating formula feeding against breast feeding to engaging in infant yoga to naming their child “Mango”, this parent is as unconventional as can get.
  • The Stickler: The parent who’d prefer death over doing the opposite of “What to expect, when you’re expecting” says. This parent is constantly researching, can possibly give up showering in favor of reading the 5000-word essay on breast feeding frequencies. This parent is likely to have a panic attack if something goes out plan, or the way it’s referred to in India- if they are asked a question outside of the syllabus.
  • The gangsta: The parent who reads all the information, does all the research, tries the baby yoga, struggles occasionally, but for the most part just goes with instinct, good sense and wings it sometimes. This parent knows that life does not stop because they had a baby, accepts that it’s going to be difficult at times but also knows that there is no bigger joy. This is the parent that knows for a fact that in the end, you gotta do what you gotta do. Basically, me! 🙂 Nah! Just Kidding. I try though!

Just like each child is different, so is each parent, and there is no way to decide which is better than which. Just because somebody is a complainer, doesn’t mean they are taking care of their baby any less than I am. In fact, they are probably doing a much better job. But it’s the constant complaining that undermines all that effort.

When I was pregnant a very dear friend (sort of an older brother really, and the biggest gangsta dad that I know) told my husband and I that those who complain about babies deterring them from “living” their lives, probably weren’t really living their lives the way they wanted to, in the first place- True Story SB! He told us the key was in  adopting some new stuff and letting go of some old stuff.

Till we had the baby, this was just another piece of advice. The first time we went out after the baby, this Became a reality. We realized very quickly that life doesn’t stop because you had a baby. It takes on a new direction. You have new purpose, renewed energy and new plans.

There is no doubt in my mind, that when you have a baby, there are times where you will have to give things up, your needs may be on the backburner to accommodate those of your baby and maybe, just maybe you’ll have days when there is no peace.

But when your baby smiles at you for the first time, rolls over, or starts crawling, you know that everything was worth it just so you can be here in this moment.

The hospital in which my baby was born is an hour+ away from my house. It’s the best in my city and we made the trip every 3-4 weeks in the beginning and now every 7-8weeks for her vaccinations and checkups. Every time we meet my daughter’s pediatrician, he asks us to talk about her. I give him all the updates, talk of her achievements, milestone progress and discuss whatever concerns we have. At the end of it all when he says, “You’re doing a fantastic job, guys”, there is no bigger award in the world!

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The bond that never was..

MotherDaughter

The apple of her eye, her precious little gem

Her sweet cherry pie, her adorable son

Her life’s purpose, Her pride and joy

Her inflated ego, her favorite toy

She felt relief like never before

“Thank God it’s a boy!” When she was told.

The years of frustration pain and agony

She just knew “the problem is me

She convinced herself that she was at fault

She cursed herself and with her body she fought

She had tried twice before but found they were girls

She had punished herself and punished the budding pearls

With no fault of theirs, they still had to pay

For their privileged brother they had to make way

Without a choice the girls sacrificed their life

Unflinchingly she made the unborn pay the price

But when she looks at him, she feels no sorrow

She feels no pain, no guilt, and no horror

But at night when she lies down herself

She hears whispers in the wind and she is forced to accept

The ghosts of her unborn linger around her

They cry and cry and call out to her

They ask her why she didn’t love them enough

They ask her why she felt such disgust

They badger her with questions all night long

She lays in fear, prays that she remain strong

One day she noticed that the ghosts weren’t there

Perhaps because her silence they couldn’t bear

For she had chosen to not argue with them

Not give them any response, any closure or satisfaction

She did not know that the ghosts had gone

Because in life & death she had disappointed her unborn

But the love of those girls never truly far

They watched over their brother, protected him from harm



 

That was then, and this is now,

Her son is an adult, he’s seen some ups and down

But in all those lows that he had been in

He was confident that nothing could touch him

Since he was a child he remembered the whispers

Telling him “its ok” whenever he whimpered

The reassuring voices told him they were there

They told him they would follow him no matter where.

He never told anybody, let alone his mother

He knew she wouldn’t understand, not even bother

But his angels were always by his side

In the worst & best of times

But one day when an accident occurred

Everything was quick and all a blur

He couldn’t remember whom he hit,

Nor did he know if he was hit

He was losing strength and consciousness too

He remembered thinking life was so cruel

His weeping mother begged and begged

To the Good Lord, as she sat by his bed

She prayed for his life, his breath

She prayed for his every step

10 days of nothing, he wasn’t getting better

Suddenly he opened his eyes and asked for water

She thanked the Lord for all that he had done

She felt victory, Her prayers had won

But something was strange, When she thought all was well,

Her lively, handsome son kept withdrawing in a shell

As it worsened, she could see

He was struggling to be

Himself again. Something was not right

He was angry with her, constantly picked a fight

She gathered the strength to ask him his troubles

Why he was choosing to live in his bubble

He said he would tell her but she wouldn’t,

Believe him anyway, since she just couldn’t.

He told her about his angels, how he was protected

She was intrigued, almost surprised by what he said.

As he recounted his experiences

She recalled those nightly instances

When She felt whispers around her,

burning her with questions, demanding answers

Her son then told her that the angels called out to him

They told him not to fear, but to walk towards them

He walked and walked and reached a door

And came face to face with them at the threshold

He saw tears on their faces and felt their pride

And they told me once again, that I was doing just fine,

They hugged me tight and told me how far I’d come

And then they announced, ‘It was time to go home.’

Although they wished we could all stay together

The journey ended here and we would part forever.

We were finally together and how,

Why would they push me away? Why now?

They said their purpose was to give me life

And I didn’t know what that meant till they held me tight

And told me they were my sisters and loved me so

That they would give up their lives a 100 times more.

When I opened my eyes and lay in my bed

I looked for my sisters and I gave into my dread

They had become whispers again, smiling in the sun

Encouraging me to go out and have fun,

I felt so much hatred. Hatred towards you,

For you had done the unthinkable, its true.

Because of you my sisters were never born

You robbed me of the most beautiful bond”



 

She cried so much Her strength was spent

At night she lay still, Her shock had no end

As she closed her eyes, she said a prayer

She hoped her strength would no longer waver

Bright light filled the room, as she opened her eyes

Before her they stood so beautiful so wise

She opened her arms and gave a smile

They ran to her as they began to cry

She asked for their forgiveness for everything past

They told her they loved her, they were together at last

She touched their face, and stroked their hair

She finally understood her grave mistake

Time went by and morning came

It was surprising that she was sleeping in so late

When they checked on her, she wouldn’t awake

She had a peaceful smile on her lovely face

They had reached her too late, she was already gone

In peace with the 2 that were never born.



 

Mothers. Where would the world be without them?

I love that line “Mothers. Where would the world be without them?”

Where would the world be without mom? Probably in ruins 🙂 A mother is the most loving, understanding, steadfast and merciful person in your life. She is our consolation in sorrow, our hope in misery, and our strength in weakness and I cannot imagine a life without my mother.

Somebody once told my mom that she had an insane, old world, past life connection with her daughters: that’s my sister and me and you know what? When I heard that, I wasn’t really surprised because I think we all have some inexplicable deep connection with our mothers, because it seems so bizarre for somebody to just lay down their life for you, after they have known you for a mere 9 months. I mean 9 months isn’t enough time, is it? And most of that 9 months, you’re just a kidney bean.

Maybe I will understand it better once I become a mother but till then, I am awed by the extent a mother goes for her child and I feel maybe there are several lifetimes worth of connections being carried forward which causes a mother to know you better than yourself, to understand your needs even before you comprehend that there is such a thing as need, to scold you when you’re wrong and immediately turn to mush when you start crying. How? How do you do it mom?

I asked my mother once, if it was tough for her raising rebellious, unruly children such as my sister and myself, and all she did was smile and stroke my hair and tell me if it weren’t for all that we wouldn’t have turned into the people we are today, and we wouldn’t have truly been “her” children if we hadn’t been rebellious 🙂 Turns out, mum was a bit of a rebel herself (cue in my mom’s big rebellion for true love and her marriage to my dad- a story for another time 😀 )

In our time of need, our mother went through hell and high water to make sure we were ok. In our time of weakness, she hid her own pain and tears, to wipe ours away, in our time of happiness, she cleverly disguised the weight she was carrying (to ensure our happiness remains intact), and in our time of success she silently, and slowly slid into the shadows somewhere while we stood in the limelight, basking in the appreciation.

How is a mother this selfless? How is she able to do so much with no reward and sometimes even no recognition? How do we repay her for all her sacrifices, her strength, her love, sympathy, wisdom and support? And when we try, she rewards you with such gratitude, that I am humbled, ashamed and truly taken aback.

My mother gave me this greeting card for my birthday this year. I was so surprised and moved, I had tears in my eyes and couldn’t even bear to finish reading the whole thing. All I ever did was hold her hand, she did so much more for me, when will she ever realise that? Do mothers ever realise it? Do they even keep count?

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

Mother’s are unanswered questions. What drives them, what supports them, what gives them the strength, I don’t know but I agree with George Washington in what he said,  “My Mother is the most beautiful woman I ever saw. I attribute all my success in my life to the moral, intellectual, and physical education I received from her”.

My dear darling mother Rekha,

I love you mom. I promise to be your strength, your heart, your support, your confidant and your friend along with being the good, obedient daughter that you deserve. I can never quite thank you for all the times, you brought me back from the dark places I have been in, I can never quite understand how you dive into situations to rescue me without knowing anything, just the fact that I need you being enough to drive you. I can never see you as somebody other than my mother, (as if that is your only role in life 😀 ) Every, time your knee pains, or every time you forget something, I curse the stupid rules of the world and society, for taking me away from you. Whenever I see a new wrinkle appear on your face, I am painfully reminded that you are an year older, but even then so beautiful. If there was anyway I could go back to the beginning of my life and choose a mother, I would still choose you, and put in an application to God, to Bless me with you (as a mother) if ever I am reborn, because I know as much as you do that I would be lost without you. 🙂

 

mummy and me

mummy and me

My mommy-My hero

So, I realise I haven’t blogged in a while but here’s the thing, with work and a commute of over 2 hours (everyday- ONE WAY) and a complete home to take care of (including cooking) with no help whatsoever, can be tough!!! phewwww…! 🙂

And nothing gets better when on top of it all you have the flu. Your nose feels like its gonna fall off because it’s so raw from the constant wiping. You feel like your body is heavier than lead and you have a 2 year pounding on a drum inside your head. Uggggghhh!!!

Falling sick is the worst thing that can happen to anybody, especially me. Why? you ask? I guess it’s because I can’t feel as sorry for anybody else as I do for myself now, can I? 🙂

I was so unwell last week that I could barely get out of bed. But, my husband dropped me off at my mommy’s for some serious TLC.

Whether you are 5 years old or 50…. I honestly think that whenever you are sick all you can think of is your mom.

I don’t know about anybody else, but whenever I am sick I crave for my mother’s hands, stroking my hair like she used to whenever I used to fall sick as a child. My mom pouring me a hot bowl of soup, fluffing my pillows, tucking me in…. Aaah! The works. 🙂

A mother’s love is a mother’s love and nothing can stand up to it, not even you-oh flu virus..!

When I was younger, I used to fake being sick on school days (as I am sure everybody has done so when they were children). Atleast I used to try. My mom would never buy into my bluff and would always say “go to school, and if you start feeling sick, come back home”. Disappointing as it was, I’d still go to school because you see my true motive was not to avoid school (although that was an added bonus) it was to get my mom to stay home with me. 🙂
And funny as it is ironic, I know for a fact, that’s exactly what I’ll be saying to my kids when they try to fake being sick on school days 🙂

It wasn’t the “quality time” we would spend together, it was just the idea of knowing she is at home because between my teenaged sister and me and my dad (who, by the way my mother claims, was no less than a 5 year old child, when at home) and a full time job, I used to think my mom doesn’t have any time dedicated especially to me. But I realise now how much time she actually did dedicate to me. She took years off from a full time career to be with me, she tucked me into bed every night, said my prayers with me, made me delicious food whenever I wanted it, irrespective of how tired she was, and how she sacrificed sleep, food, comfort, basically everything to sit next to me when I was in the hospital for an appendectomy.
She was unwell herself but she did not move from my bedside. She wouldn’t eat but she would make sure I am well fed, she wouldn’t sleep but she would make sure I got several hours of sleep.
Even today, she manages to take care of me even though we don’t live together anymore. I have a home of my own now and I am the “go to for anything” person in my house, I am the one who “takes care of everybody” but my mommy, still takes care of me.

My husband and I continue to be amazed and surprised at the amount of energy, enthusiasm and quiet strength that lies within her.

We appreciate you Mom, we love you and we inspire to be like you-more and more each day- My mommy, my hero! 🙂

Have you thought of all the things your mother has done for you in the past? Or continues to do even today?

Take some time off, call your mom and tell her you love her. She may know it, but would be so nice for her to hear it, out of the blue, randomly, because she did and she does all that she does for you because of those 3 words.

Thanks for reading everybody, and don’t forget to tell your mom, how much you love her. That’s what I do, everyday! 🙂

And so it begins..

Here it is! The start of the story, the beginning of the beginning, the opening of the dialogue. I am excited as well as nervous to be writing my first blog post.

Its not like this is my first time writing you know? I mean…

  1. Expressing myself through my writing- Check
  2.  Wordplay- Double check

Anyway, new things always have that kind of profound effect on you? Don’t you think?

So, I wanted to start my blog by telling you a little about myself. I don’t mean the usual “my name, my job, my educational qualification”, because I am not looking for a job here. I meant 25 totally random things about me. Here it goes…

  1. I have the best Mother in the whole world. Period!
  2. It’s my husband Mukul’s quiet strength and reassurance that allows me to be as wickedly crazy and all-over-place as I want.
  3. I am absolutely petrified of snakes and if I was one of those unlucky people who came face to face with one, I don’t think I’d have the presence of mind to run the other way.
  4. I never know what to say or do when somebody cries in front of me especially if its somebody I really care about.
  5. I really believe in “what goes around, comes round”
  6. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
  7. I love Salman Khan- The Indian movie star!!!
  8. If there was one thing I could change, about myself or my life, I wouldn’t change a single damn thing. Life is too short for regrets.
  9. I prefer winter even though I always say I hate it.
  10. I love seeing new places.
  11. I’m from the school of rock, and so are most of my friends.
  12. I’m greatful to God for my wonderful friends.
  13. I’m ambitious
  14. I’m difficult to please
  15. I don’t appreciate people who think they know ME, without actually knowing me.
  16. I think weddings are a lot of fun.
  17. The concept of rebirth makes no sense.
  18. I am always game for sic-fi and action-fantasy movies.
  19. I’d rather curl up at home with a book, than go to the mall.
  20. I miss my dad- A lot!
  21. I’d hate it if I were behind the times, technologically!
  22. I love this quote “When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead”- Barney Stinson
  23. I am fully aware that there are very few people who would want to read 25 random things about me.
  24. I try to face my fears head on. I have an Eleanor Roosevelt quote hanging near my desk that says, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”
  25. I am sarcastic, and I enjoy other people who are sarcastic because I can bust their chops and they don’t take me seriously.

So that’s about it! I succeeded in putting together 25 things about myself, and I didn’t really have to think too much to put this list together.

This is the start of a very long and fruitful association between me and all of you guys who are interested in reading what I have to say.

Together, we’ll talk about all the small things in life that fill the cracks and make it all worthwhile.

Take care and don’t forget Be social and Share, Share, Share!

🙂