10 ways (tests) to know he is the one!

mr-right

Many of my girlfriends, who are still single and living the fabulous life, ask me how I knew my husband was the one for me. Truth is I didn’t and I don’t.. but I believe. I think that makes all the difference in the world. Fact is we never really know who is real and who is lying. There maybe a facade underneath the facade..how will you figure it out?

The best we can do, is look for a few things and the rest? Good faith, strong belief. I’m not an expert but I’ve listed down 10 essential things to look for (tests for him) when you’re trying to decide if he is the one.

  1. When you walk into the room…Is he looking at your face or is he checking out your cleavage?
    1. The ideal situation would be when you walk into the room, he looks at your face first then proceeds to check out your cleavage. (Why shouldn’t he? You’re hot and after all, he’s a man!)
  2. When deciding something…say for example you both decide to watch a movie, how does that conversation generally go about? Him: “I have booked tickets to go watch blah”, You: “I don’t really want to watch that”. Him: “Well..Too bad! I have already booked the tickets”- So no consultation and only Domination?
    1. NO WAY!!! Always consult. You don’t have to like the same things, but that doesn’t mean the other person’s opinion doesn’t count. He needs to take into consideration what you like and what you don’t and if he doesn’t care, then maybe he should find somebody who’s willing to put up with his crap.
  3. Does he respect his parents? Does he care of what they think, how they function? I don’t mean to be tethered to them with the eternal umbilical cord, but respect. Be aware of their feelings and their discomfort.
    1. Remember girls, if he respects his own parents, he will respect your parents as well.
  4. Is he self sufficient? Not how much money his dad has, or how fancy his dad’s car is? What about him? What does he earn?
    1. He may not have riches in his kitty, nor does he have to be the Duke of Yorkshire, but if he didn’t have anything can he take care of himself? or you? When you fall sick, will he drive you to the hospital, or will he wait for his daddy to send a car from home?
  5. How do you feel when he is not around? Do you smile, do you laugh?
    1. I shared this incident with a friend of mine. My husband has a habit of making cheesy jokes. For example, when I ask him what he wants for breakfast, he’d invariably reply “love” and some days he would add “you’re my breakfast, as long as I’m looking at you, I don’t need to eat anything”. I personally hate this drama- It’s so corny! Yet..on any morning, when he doesn’t say something silly, I start worrying if something is wrong. When he is not around, I almost always repeat these stories to my friends and I laugh, coz it’s sweet & funny.
  6. How does he treat your friends? Does he suck up or is he normal like he is with his friends? The trick is to balance. If he is going over the top to make your friends happy, then you’re absolutely right to be suspicious. We should never have to go that far to make somebody happy. It’s wrong of you to expect him to impress your friends as well. Friends are there for a reason- they love you and support you and if you screw up, they slap your face blind. But when you’ve made the right decision he shouldn’t have to impress anybody. They’ll already be impressed.
    1. He should be casual, friendly and just himself. If you’re expecting be somebody he is not to impress your friends, then you should check yourself- It basically means you know you’ve made the wrong choice and you don’t want your friends to throw it in your face so you’re getting him to suck up to them. Not cool girl!
  7. How does he consider your choices? Is he critical or judgmental or supportive?
    1. When my friend wanted to buy an expensive Gucci handbag from her second or third paycheck, her boyfriend couldn’t bring himself to be supportive. He explained to her how he would love for her to treat herself to something that fancy but it was too early to splurge and he would wish that she hold off for another month or so, but if she did’t want to wait then to go ahead and he will manage things at home for the next 2 months- That’s how it should be!
  8. What does he want to do in life?
    1. When my friend was getting married, I asked her husband-to-be what he wanted to do in life.. His response was one of the best I have heard. ” I don’t know what I want to do, but I do know what I want to be- A good husband, and a good father”
  9. What does he expect your position to be in his life? A wife, a friend?
    1. He should never forget you are his wife, but that doesn’t mean you stop being friends. Why should he choose one over the other?
  10. Why does he want to marry you?
    1. Because you make his life better, because with you he can imagine his life being so muchmore successful, because he wants to spend his life making you happy & because he can’t live without your smile.

Make the right decision my lovelies. Have faith, good things will come to you! 🙂

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Being Grown up

I realize I haven’t written anything in a long time, but with our recent move from our hometown to a different city altogether, life has been pretty busy for my husband and me. Setting up a new house isn’t an easy task. Carefully selecting each and every piece of furniture, or household electronic or any home décor item for that matter. You’re probably going to think and discuss it over with each other a gazillion times before you do it. Because you wanna make sure you fill your blank canvas with the best of the best.  🙂

I like to call this the ‘adult life’, and my husband finds it a funny when I say that. Although somewhat a challenge, we are really enjoying, going through the entire process of culture sensitization and discovering local food, places to shop; but most of all, we are still coming to terms with the fact that we left our childhood back home with our parents. It was somewhat unsaid between the two of us but it just so happened that we both left every piece of our childhood (every memoir) with our parents. Looks like we have graduated into the ‘adult life’ 🙂

But lemme tell you something, it’s not easy being an adult. The fun and the frolic that accompanies adulthood, always comes with a side order of responsibility. When we got married, my husband and I had an idealistic view of what it would be like to be married and living the adult life, which we expected to transition into like IMMEDIATELY. And although it didn’t turn around that fast and we didn’t just wake up the day after our wedding in some beautiful new land, we realised that we could help each other grow into the people we wanted to be . With the move to the new city it graduation to real, true adulthood became even more easier.

When I was in middle school, I remember seeing this pretty mom dropping her kid off at school. She was beautiful and so well groomed and so independent (because apparently my 11yr old mind thought that if she drove a car she was independent). Then right for a moment, in a wonderful slow motion moment, she looked at me; she looked right at me and she smiled. At that instant I felt so proud and I was speechless and my feet were rooted to the ground. Her hair was twisted into a lovely side bun, she had sunglasses on her head with beautiful almond shaped eyes with red lipstick, and I knew right then and there, how badly I wanted to be an adult. I wanted to be an adult so I could look like her, have a car of my own like her, be free as a bird like her. Now I’m there, my own car, hair in a French knot, red lipstick, the works. But it’s not as much of a delight (some days) as I would have imagined it to be.

Now I think back to my middle school days and wonder if there is any way for me to go back and relive a few memories. That was the time when you could do anything and get away with it. If you ate fries for breakfast, lunch and dinner, you wouldn’t gain a pound. You could come home from school and throw your clothes and backpack on the floor, and somebody would pick it up and would put it back in its place. Aaaah the good life! 🙂

Although it’s hard to let go of your childhood, but you need to move on and experience new things because it doesn’t matter whether or not you move ahead, you’re life is moving irrespective of you. The key is to recognise and embrace the good moves and walk over the bad ones. In the end know this, however difficult it is to be an adult, nothing can beat the fun you get out of it.

“For in every adult there dwells the child that was, and in every child there lies the adult that will be.” 
John Connolly