In Pursuit of a Prince: Chapter 2

Every girl dreams of finding that one perfect guy. The one who will love her beyond anything. He’ll be honest and caring and supportive and understanding and all those wonderful things. We are conditioned from an early age that that mystical magical man is out there somewhere in the world. A Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman movie I saw a long time back called Practical Magic had this exchange between two 10 year old sisters who have magical powers:

 Sally: ” He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards.”

Gillian: What are you doing?

Sally: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. ” He can flip pancakes in the air. He’ll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he’ll have one green eye and one blue.”

Isn’t it a lovely exchange? As young as 10, the girl knew exactly what her true love would be like. That is the power of love- or atleast the concept of it.

There are some, like Sally, who know exactly what they want, they have what you might call, a checklist that they’d like to stick to. No sidetracking and no compromises. But, then there are some who find a few qualities in a partner and tend to believe that the others qualities will follow, because you can acquire good qualities right? Or good habits? Or maybe he will another side, which will compensate for whatever he lacks in good qualities, but how often does that happen? Yet, there are those who just want to play it by the field, try a few permutations & combinations and see where that gets them. But the agenda is always the same, find “happily ever after”.

She belonged to the latter of the group. When she was a child she always imagined having a husband like her daddy, till she grew up and realised her daddy wasn’t really as good a person as she’d made him out to be. As she grew older and saw the world and met more and more interesting people she began to change her idea of the perfect partner. And in one of her travels she met him; the one she thought could complete her.

He was charming, sweet and shy. They fell in love very quickly and so madly at that. Soon they became inseparable and she trusted him with her heart and she was a girl after his own. But she always felt he wasn’t 100% with her, there was something holding him back. Something he didn’t want to share with her and she, instead of confronting him with it as she should have, continued to put her faith in him, till one day she was exposed to that little bit of him that he always held back. She watched as all her faith and love blew up in front of her eyes. He betrayed her beyond anything. He took away a little piece of her heart that day. It was never the same!

As the years went by. she kept meeting more and more men and realising each of them was even more imperfect than the last. Companionship became merely a physical need and the emotional requirement began to wither away. And then ‘he’ came along, a rough diamond in the muck! He was not her usual smooth talking, charms and handsome kinda boy. He was different from all the others she’d been with and she hated him at first, he was weird and spoke oddly and they had a huge language barrier which seemed un-breachable. He kept trying to get her attention, he kept trying to impress her in his uncouth way and she saw him doing all of that and she still ignored him. Why was he being weird? She continued to ignore him, and he eventually stopped because what good was it to keep chasing her when she clearly didn’t care? A few months went by and the thought of him made her smile,  all his little comical antics made her long for him. She decided to look him up. He had most of the qualities she wanted but the exterior was horribly unkempt and VASTLY different from her group of classy friends. She thought about how to go about it and realised grooming was in order.

But at the same time, she was unsure if she should go the extra mile to groom, what if she didn’t end up with him either? What if he wasn’t her “happily ever after’? I mean, when you meet somebody and sparks fly, in that moment, it feels like anything is possible. The adrenaline rush, the surge in happiness and the general need to burst into song, all sounds and feels so magical that you almost want to cry.

Once that initial magic begins to wear off, the flaws start making themselves obvious. Habits, friends, priorities, finances and general ideas and opinions begin to puncture, not unlike pins. It’s all downhill from there! An obvious question at this point will be: if that’s how all relationships go, then what is the secret of the ones that survive?

The secret of those happy couples is that, they overcome those low points. They choose to go past those flaws, they decide to work through it together. It’s never giving up that differentiates a good relationship from the ones that didn’t survive. It’s really the will to go on. But often times the fine line between wanting to make it work and have ‘no option but’ to make it work becomes blurry. She feared, she’d invest all her time, love and effort into something which had a 50% chance of not working out. And if it didn’t, would she have the strength to break away? Or would she end up stuck with him because of an obvious fear of starting again? because being dependent on somebody is an extremely scary thing? or most importantly, she’d forget what she was like without him?

Was it really worth it?

 

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The Love of my life

As opposed to what everybody assumes, my husband isn’t the love of my life. He knows this; we talk of it often but the truth is the truth and there’s no denying it.

Without revealing too much about my one true love, it’s pertinent that I tell you what makes him so special and what he truly means to me. He’s never going to read this and he knows I love him but the extent? I doubt he will ever understand.

Very few people know that we used to live together at one point: He & I and it was the best thing ever. I remember so many drives home from work when I’d invariably be having a bad day but just the thought of seeing him would cheer me up. Coming home, seeing him, I’d just light up and my happiness knew no bounds.

Our midnight drives, coffee runs and ice cream hunts: some amazing moments spent with him. He is the most avid listener I have ever come across. He never complained when I was in a bad mood, and as a matter of fact, he was never in a bad mood himself. One of the best things about him though, he was always so supportive. He never threw a tantrum and never did he ever get angry at me.

We had our moments of disagreement, I won’t lie. He often did things that I just could not deal with and many a times even failed to understand. I’d try to reason with him but he’d become this stone cold wall with no reaction, no justification and never a word of defence. His looking down was most certainly a sign of guilt that was near well impossible to miss.

He is a ladies man! Always has been, always will be. I never really see him deny it nor make any effort to hide it. I mean he & I would be walking alongside each other and he’d just leave me to walk up to some lady across the way. Unabashed and super chill! If that doesn’t surprise you, what will? I mean when he was with me, I was his be all and end all! But outside our home, he didn’t carry the same sentiment. You know he’d never eat anything unless I served it to him. He wouldn’t take care of himself, instead he’d wait for me to take care of him. Ask him why!

Other than the near philandering ways I’d say he was perfect! When he and I separated it was one of the worst things to have happened. I was inconsolable and I cried like a baby. It wasn’t possible for us to live together anymore due to circumstances that led to that moment but I knew my life would never been the same. You know when you’ve experienced that kind of love, nothing can ever compare.

I put him out of my mind for a while. Moved on, did things to keep busy. Met new people, made friends, travelled, but he was always there, in the back of my mind. He is still close to my family so he’d pop up in every family picture and somebody or the other always had their arm around him. I used to miss him more than words can say and Mukul could see my pain. There wasn’t much we could do about it but I began to feel that my life had lost the colour it needed.

And then, a few months ago, Mukul asked me if I’d like to bring him back into my life. I couldn’t deny its what I had been wanting to do myself but was unsure if Mukul was ready for it. But he was supportive and encouraging and just like that he was back! My friend, my love, the ruler of my heart, my Buddy!

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Isn’t he the cutest?

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When we moved to Bangalore, we had to leave him back home in Delhi with our parents because we couldn’t take care of him alone, but he’s finally moved in with us and I couldn’t be happier. He makes everything better! Our lives, our health, our sense of peace and calmness…everything seems so great! A Blessing and a Gift and unending pool of love, this munchkin is everything and more that I could ask for, and his name is Buddy!

xoxo

 

 

 

The bond that never was..

MotherDaughter

The apple of her eye, her precious little gem

Her sweet cherry pie, her adorable son

Her life’s purpose, Her pride and joy

Her inflated ego, her favorite toy

She felt relief like never before

“Thank God it’s a boy!” When she was told.

The years of frustration pain and agony

She just knew “the problem is me

She convinced herself that she was at fault

She cursed herself and with her body she fought

She had tried twice before but found they were girls

She had punished herself and punished the budding pearls

With no fault of theirs, they still had to pay

For their privileged brother they had to make way

Without a choice the girls sacrificed their life

Unflinchingly she made the unborn pay the price

But when she looks at him, she feels no sorrow

She feels no pain, no guilt, and no horror

But at night when she lies down herself

She hears whispers in the wind and she is forced to accept

The ghosts of her unborn linger around her

They cry and cry and call out to her

They ask her why she didn’t love them enough

They ask her why she felt such disgust

They badger her with questions all night long

She lays in fear, prays that she remain strong

One day she noticed that the ghosts weren’t there

Perhaps because her silence they couldn’t bear

For she had chosen to not argue with them

Not give them any response, any closure or satisfaction

She did not know that the ghosts had gone

Because in life & death she had disappointed her unborn

But the love of those girls never truly far

They watched over their brother, protected him from harm



 

That was then, and this is now,

Her son is an adult, he’s seen some ups and down

But in all those lows that he had been in

He was confident that nothing could touch him

Since he was a child he remembered the whispers

Telling him “its ok” whenever he whimpered

The reassuring voices told him they were there

They told him they would follow him no matter where.

He never told anybody, let alone his mother

He knew she wouldn’t understand, not even bother

But his angels were always by his side

In the worst & best of times

But one day when an accident occurred

Everything was quick and all a blur

He couldn’t remember whom he hit,

Nor did he know if he was hit

He was losing strength and consciousness too

He remembered thinking life was so cruel

His weeping mother begged and begged

To the Good Lord, as she sat by his bed

She prayed for his life, his breath

She prayed for his every step

10 days of nothing, he wasn’t getting better

Suddenly he opened his eyes and asked for water

She thanked the Lord for all that he had done

She felt victory, Her prayers had won

But something was strange, When she thought all was well,

Her lively, handsome son kept withdrawing in a shell

As it worsened, she could see

He was struggling to be

Himself again. Something was not right

He was angry with her, constantly picked a fight

She gathered the strength to ask him his troubles

Why he was choosing to live in his bubble

He said he would tell her but she wouldn’t,

Believe him anyway, since she just couldn’t.

He told her about his angels, how he was protected

She was intrigued, almost surprised by what he said.

As he recounted his experiences

She recalled those nightly instances

When She felt whispers around her,

burning her with questions, demanding answers

Her son then told her that the angels called out to him

They told him not to fear, but to walk towards them

He walked and walked and reached a door

And came face to face with them at the threshold

He saw tears on their faces and felt their pride

And they told me once again, that I was doing just fine,

They hugged me tight and told me how far I’d come

And then they announced, ‘It was time to go home.’

Although they wished we could all stay together

The journey ended here and we would part forever.

We were finally together and how,

Why would they push me away? Why now?

They said their purpose was to give me life

And I didn’t know what that meant till they held me tight

And told me they were my sisters and loved me so

That they would give up their lives a 100 times more.

When I opened my eyes and lay in my bed

I looked for my sisters and I gave into my dread

They had become whispers again, smiling in the sun

Encouraging me to go out and have fun,

I felt so much hatred. Hatred towards you,

For you had done the unthinkable, its true.

Because of you my sisters were never born

You robbed me of the most beautiful bond”



 

She cried so much Her strength was spent

At night she lay still, Her shock had no end

As she closed her eyes, she said a prayer

She hoped her strength would no longer waver

Bright light filled the room, as she opened her eyes

Before her they stood so beautiful so wise

She opened her arms and gave a smile

They ran to her as they began to cry

She asked for their forgiveness for everything past

They told her they loved her, they were together at last

She touched their face, and stroked their hair

She finally understood her grave mistake

Time went by and morning came

It was surprising that she was sleeping in so late

When they checked on her, she wouldn’t awake

She had a peaceful smile on her lovely face

They had reached her too late, she was already gone

In peace with the 2 that were never born.



 

10 ways (tests) to know he is the one!

mr-right

Many of my girlfriends, who are still single and living the fabulous life, ask me how I knew my husband was the one for me. Truth is I didn’t and I don’t.. but I believe. I think that makes all the difference in the world. Fact is we never really know who is real and who is lying. There maybe a facade underneath the facade..how will you figure it out?

The best we can do, is look for a few things and the rest? Good faith, strong belief. I’m not an expert but I’ve listed down 10 essential things to look for (tests for him) when you’re trying to decide if he is the one.

  1. When you walk into the room…Is he looking at your face or is he checking out your cleavage?
    1. The ideal situation would be when you walk into the room, he looks at your face first then proceeds to check out your cleavage. (Why shouldn’t he? You’re hot and after all, he’s a man!)
  2. When deciding something…say for example you both decide to watch a movie, how does that conversation generally go about? Him: “I have booked tickets to go watch blah”, You: “I don’t really want to watch that”. Him: “Well..Too bad! I have already booked the tickets”- So no consultation and only Domination?
    1. NO WAY!!! Always consult. You don’t have to like the same things, but that doesn’t mean the other person’s opinion doesn’t count. He needs to take into consideration what you like and what you don’t and if he doesn’t care, then maybe he should find somebody who’s willing to put up with his crap.
  3. Does he respect his parents? Does he care of what they think, how they function? I don’t mean to be tethered to them with the eternal umbilical cord, but respect. Be aware of their feelings and their discomfort.
    1. Remember girls, if he respects his own parents, he will respect your parents as well.
  4. Is he self sufficient? Not how much money his dad has, or how fancy his dad’s car is? What about him? What does he earn?
    1. He may not have riches in his kitty, nor does he have to be the Duke of Yorkshire, but if he didn’t have anything can he take care of himself? or you? When you fall sick, will he drive you to the hospital, or will he wait for his daddy to send a car from home?
  5. How do you feel when he is not around? Do you smile, do you laugh?
    1. I shared this incident with a friend of mine. My husband has a habit of making cheesy jokes. For example, when I ask him what he wants for breakfast, he’d invariably reply “love” and some days he would add “you’re my breakfast, as long as I’m looking at you, I don’t need to eat anything”. I personally hate this drama- It’s so corny! Yet..on any morning, when he doesn’t say something silly, I start worrying if something is wrong. When he is not around, I almost always repeat these stories to my friends and I laugh, coz it’s sweet & funny.
  6. How does he treat your friends? Does he suck up or is he normal like he is with his friends? The trick is to balance. If he is going over the top to make your friends happy, then you’re absolutely right to be suspicious. We should never have to go that far to make somebody happy. It’s wrong of you to expect him to impress your friends as well. Friends are there for a reason- they love you and support you and if you screw up, they slap your face blind. But when you’ve made the right decision he shouldn’t have to impress anybody. They’ll already be impressed.
    1. He should be casual, friendly and just himself. If you’re expecting be somebody he is not to impress your friends, then you should check yourself- It basically means you know you’ve made the wrong choice and you don’t want your friends to throw it in your face so you’re getting him to suck up to them. Not cool girl!
  7. How does he consider your choices? Is he critical or judgmental or supportive?
    1. When my friend wanted to buy an expensive Gucci handbag from her second or third paycheck, her boyfriend couldn’t bring himself to be supportive. He explained to her how he would love for her to treat herself to something that fancy but it was too early to splurge and he would wish that she hold off for another month or so, but if she did’t want to wait then to go ahead and he will manage things at home for the next 2 months- That’s how it should be!
  8. What does he want to do in life?
    1. When my friend was getting married, I asked her husband-to-be what he wanted to do in life.. His response was one of the best I have heard. ” I don’t know what I want to do, but I do know what I want to be- A good husband, and a good father”
  9. What does he expect your position to be in his life? A wife, a friend?
    1. He should never forget you are his wife, but that doesn’t mean you stop being friends. Why should he choose one over the other?
  10. Why does he want to marry you?
    1. Because you make his life better, because with you he can imagine his life being so muchmore successful, because he wants to spend his life making you happy & because he can’t live without your smile.

Make the right decision my lovelies. Have faith, good things will come to you! 🙂

Mothers. Where would the world be without them?

I love that line “Mothers. Where would the world be without them?”

Where would the world be without mom? Probably in ruins 🙂 A mother is the most loving, understanding, steadfast and merciful person in your life. She is our consolation in sorrow, our hope in misery, and our strength in weakness and I cannot imagine a life without my mother.

Somebody once told my mom that she had an insane, old world, past life connection with her daughters: that’s my sister and me and you know what? When I heard that, I wasn’t really surprised because I think we all have some inexplicable deep connection with our mothers, because it seems so bizarre for somebody to just lay down their life for you, after they have known you for a mere 9 months. I mean 9 months isn’t enough time, is it? And most of that 9 months, you’re just a kidney bean.

Maybe I will understand it better once I become a mother but till then, I am awed by the extent a mother goes for her child and I feel maybe there are several lifetimes worth of connections being carried forward which causes a mother to know you better than yourself, to understand your needs even before you comprehend that there is such a thing as need, to scold you when you’re wrong and immediately turn to mush when you start crying. How? How do you do it mom?

I asked my mother once, if it was tough for her raising rebellious, unruly children such as my sister and myself, and all she did was smile and stroke my hair and tell me if it weren’t for all that we wouldn’t have turned into the people we are today, and we wouldn’t have truly been “her” children if we hadn’t been rebellious 🙂 Turns out, mum was a bit of a rebel herself (cue in my mom’s big rebellion for true love and her marriage to my dad- a story for another time 😀 )

In our time of need, our mother went through hell and high water to make sure we were ok. In our time of weakness, she hid her own pain and tears, to wipe ours away, in our time of happiness, she cleverly disguised the weight she was carrying (to ensure our happiness remains intact), and in our time of success she silently, and slowly slid into the shadows somewhere while we stood in the limelight, basking in the appreciation.

How is a mother this selfless? How is she able to do so much with no reward and sometimes even no recognition? How do we repay her for all her sacrifices, her strength, her love, sympathy, wisdom and support? And when we try, she rewards you with such gratitude, that I am humbled, ashamed and truly taken aback.

My mother gave me this greeting card for my birthday this year. I was so surprised and moved, I had tears in my eyes and couldn’t even bear to finish reading the whole thing. All I ever did was hold her hand, she did so much more for me, when will she ever realise that? Do mothers ever realise it? Do they even keep count?

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

From mom to me, 2013 August

Mother’s are unanswered questions. What drives them, what supports them, what gives them the strength, I don’t know but I agree with George Washington in what he said,  “My Mother is the most beautiful woman I ever saw. I attribute all my success in my life to the moral, intellectual, and physical education I received from her”.

My dear darling mother Rekha,

I love you mom. I promise to be your strength, your heart, your support, your confidant and your friend along with being the good, obedient daughter that you deserve. I can never quite thank you for all the times, you brought me back from the dark places I have been in, I can never quite understand how you dive into situations to rescue me without knowing anything, just the fact that I need you being enough to drive you. I can never see you as somebody other than my mother, (as if that is your only role in life 😀 ) Every, time your knee pains, or every time you forget something, I curse the stupid rules of the world and society, for taking me away from you. Whenever I see a new wrinkle appear on your face, I am painfully reminded that you are an year older, but even then so beautiful. If there was anyway I could go back to the beginning of my life and choose a mother, I would still choose you, and put in an application to God, to Bless me with you (as a mother) if ever I am reborn, because I know as much as you do that I would be lost without you. 🙂

 

mummy and me

mummy and me