Remembering Daddy

Dear Daddy,

How are you? I bet you’re kicking butt up there. 🙂 I hadn’t written to you in forever so I sat down today and decided to pen down (more like type) a few words. Today being the big day and all, it made a lot more sense to write to you today. I’m sure you are eager to know how everybody is over here. Well, we’re all doing pretty great. Mom’s well, still working, still complaining about authorities, still loud. I’m good too and so is Mukul. We have a good life here and a cute house of our own. I do have an inkling that you’d have thought our house was too empty, or not furnished enough, but that’s ok dad, coz we like it that way. 🙂

I was watching some lame TV show today, the kind you and I used to watch all the time, amidst all the laughter. It was one of those talent hunt shows and the judge guy tells one of the contestants that he’s gonna make his folks real proud some day. It was so profound and poetic, I was surprised at the emotion I felt. But daddy, the fact is I’ve become that person. I’ve been this way for 7 years now. Ever since you decided to leave me. I miss you daddy. I really do! If there was anything I could do to bring you back, I would but sometimes, things work the way they do for a reason. Though I’ll never fully understand your actions and the reasons behind them, or the way you lived your life but I’ll forever carry with me the mystery that is your death.

This is the 7th year of your death, and I can’t believe it’s been that long. I remember my birthday parties and I remember you coming to the train station to pick me up, every time I’d come home from college. I remember seeing the pride in your face whenever I took part in school programs. I cannot forget our endless debate on politics, economics, psychology and what not. Those were some good times dad. I can’t forget the time I was hospitalised for jaundice and you were so worried you told me as long as I got well soon, you’d get me anything under the sky. You were so freaked out! come on dad, its just jaundice. 🙂

I know there will never be another you, and I don’t want there to be either, but sometimes I miss you so much that it gets tough to say it out loud in words and then I wonder whether I’m losing my mind or is this real. I’m sure I’ll see you, some day but until then, you take care of yourself and continue kicking butt, coz I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.

I love you dad!

Your daughter

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My mommy-My hero

So, I realise I haven’t blogged in a while but here’s the thing, with work and a commute of over 2 hours (everyday- ONE WAY) and a complete home to take care of (including cooking) with no help whatsoever, can be tough!!! phewwww…! 🙂

And nothing gets better when on top of it all you have the flu. Your nose feels like its gonna fall off because it’s so raw from the constant wiping. You feel like your body is heavier than lead and you have a 2 year pounding on a drum inside your head. Uggggghhh!!!

Falling sick is the worst thing that can happen to anybody, especially me. Why? you ask? I guess it’s because I can’t feel as sorry for anybody else as I do for myself now, can I? 🙂

I was so unwell last week that I could barely get out of bed. But, my husband dropped me off at my mommy’s for some serious TLC.

Whether you are 5 years old or 50…. I honestly think that whenever you are sick all you can think of is your mom.

I don’t know about anybody else, but whenever I am sick I crave for my mother’s hands, stroking my hair like she used to whenever I used to fall sick as a child. My mom pouring me a hot bowl of soup, fluffing my pillows, tucking me in…. Aaah! The works. 🙂

A mother’s love is a mother’s love and nothing can stand up to it, not even you-oh flu virus..!

When I was younger, I used to fake being sick on school days (as I am sure everybody has done so when they were children). Atleast I used to try. My mom would never buy into my bluff and would always say “go to school, and if you start feeling sick, come back home”. Disappointing as it was, I’d still go to school because you see my true motive was not to avoid school (although that was an added bonus) it was to get my mom to stay home with me. 🙂
And funny as it is ironic, I know for a fact, that’s exactly what I’ll be saying to my kids when they try to fake being sick on school days 🙂

It wasn’t the “quality time” we would spend together, it was just the idea of knowing she is at home because between my teenaged sister and me and my dad (who, by the way my mother claims, was no less than a 5 year old child, when at home) and a full time job, I used to think my mom doesn’t have any time dedicated especially to me. But I realise now how much time she actually did dedicate to me. She took years off from a full time career to be with me, she tucked me into bed every night, said my prayers with me, made me delicious food whenever I wanted it, irrespective of how tired she was, and how she sacrificed sleep, food, comfort, basically everything to sit next to me when I was in the hospital for an appendectomy.
She was unwell herself but she did not move from my bedside. She wouldn’t eat but she would make sure I am well fed, she wouldn’t sleep but she would make sure I got several hours of sleep.
Even today, she manages to take care of me even though we don’t live together anymore. I have a home of my own now and I am the “go to for anything” person in my house, I am the one who “takes care of everybody” but my mommy, still takes care of me.

My husband and I continue to be amazed and surprised at the amount of energy, enthusiasm and quiet strength that lies within her.

We appreciate you Mom, we love you and we inspire to be like you-more and more each day- My mommy, my hero! 🙂

Have you thought of all the things your mother has done for you in the past? Or continues to do even today?

Take some time off, call your mom and tell her you love her. She may know it, but would be so nice for her to hear it, out of the blue, randomly, because she did and she does all that she does for you because of those 3 words.

Thanks for reading everybody, and don’t forget to tell your mom, how much you love her. That’s what I do, everyday! 🙂

My birthday- My Big Day!

Truly! Celebrating Birthdays is an art. I’d like to think it’s an acquired skill. If I was to think otherwise, I’d be depressed in life because I would have to come to terms with the fact that I most certainly don’t have that skill. 😦

My birthday is the single most exciting day of my life. Whenever I have kids, I probably won’t be as excited for their birthdays as I’ll still be for my own. My parents used to make such a big deal out of my birthday. There wasn’t always a big party or a huge cake, but there was always Chocolate cake, my favorite breakfast- pancakes, my favorite dinner- mac and cheese with grilled chicken & mashed potatoes on the side and presents. Lots and lots of presents.  Those were some of my best birthdays. I don’t want to sound completely hopeless, as if all my birthdays were disastrous. I have had some pretty fantastic birthdays in my childhood and some in my adult life as well you know. But they were all unplanned (atleast I hadn’t planned it).

My mother would go to all the trouble for my yummy dinner, my dad would smother me with kisses and tell everybody how he always gets confused about whether my birthday is August 16th or August 17th, and I used to get offended every year. The truth is, he was just kidding. There’s no way in hell he could get confused over my birthday and I knew it, he knew it, the whole world knew it, but it never stopped him from joking about it. 🙂

This tremendous amount of expectation I have from my birthdays mostly comes from my childhood, when my dad used to take special pride in reminding me of how special my birthday is. I mean he never even referred to my birthday as “Birthday”. He talked of it, like it was a National holiday- you know like the 4th of July? My dad would call my birthday “the 17th of August”. 😀

He would start reminding me of it a months in advance, to the extent of asking mundane questions like “Honey, when is the 17th of August?” I mean come on dad! But I’m smiling right now as I write this, it was so obvious and was a “Duh!” moment most of the time, but I still smiled, I still got excited. My dad passed away a month before my 21st birthday but even today, I can hear him say “Darling, 17th August is almost here” 🙂

Ever since I was 13 I’d plan and plan for my birthday, sometimes, months in advance, sometimes even an year in advance, and then at the end of the “Big Day” I always feel like it was a let down. I wonder how it can possibly be the most planned day but end up being the single most disappointing day ever, even more than New Year’s Eve. Perhaps in the case of my birthdays, anticipation is inversely proportional to success of the birthday. Back in the day when my parents used to plan my birthday parties, I remember everything would be exactly the way you wanted it to be, the guests would be as per your choosing, the food would be as per your liking, the decorations would be as per your approval, even then, there would be something that embarrassed me and taint the memory of the party for.

How do some people manage to get it so right? They don’t plan, they don’t even care, but it all magically works out. They get the best presents, the funniest wishes and it’s a completely fantastic day in total! I think, I have literally, written enough to make myself sad. I manage to plan all these fantastic things for my husband’s birthday, family members’ birthdays, friends’s birthdays, and execute them perfectly but my own…? 😦

My birthday is coming up in exactly a week, and this year, I decided NOT to plan. No party, no cake, no friends or presents…nada nada nada!!!!

I am going to go with the flow. I will keep no expectations from the day and the day will not disappoint me. Even though, I know in the deepest corner of my heart, that birthdays haven’t been the same since my dad died. So, whatever happens, I will always be disappointed that my dad’s not there to share my big special day with me like he used to.

This year, my dad decided to make me feel special from beyond the grave. I haven’t had the courage to go through his belongings since he died, but I did this year- 6 years after he died. I found a note from my dad. It was scribbled in a notepad hidden in his belongings. It was addressed to me and it was so wonderful and symbolic. I had it framed and hung it on my bedroom wall. It’s my dad’s birthday gift to me, makes up for the 6 birthdays he has missed.

Thanks Dad, and a Happy Birthday to Me! 😀

My dad's birthday note to me, 6 years after his passing.

My dad’s birthday note to me, 6 years after his passing.

 

The actual text of my dad's note

The actual text of my dad’s note

 

My 3rd Birthday, August/17/1989, Vancouver BC, Canada

My 3rd Birthday, August/17/1989, Vancouver BC, Canada

And so it begins..

Here it is! The start of the story, the beginning of the beginning, the opening of the dialogue. I am excited as well as nervous to be writing my first blog post.

Its not like this is my first time writing you know? I mean…

  1. Expressing myself through my writing- Check
  2.  Wordplay- Double check

Anyway, new things always have that kind of profound effect on you? Don’t you think?

So, I wanted to start my blog by telling you a little about myself. I don’t mean the usual “my name, my job, my educational qualification”, because I am not looking for a job here. I meant 25 totally random things about me. Here it goes…

  1. I have the best Mother in the whole world. Period!
  2. It’s my husband Mukul’s quiet strength and reassurance that allows me to be as wickedly crazy and all-over-place as I want.
  3. I am absolutely petrified of snakes and if I was one of those unlucky people who came face to face with one, I don’t think I’d have the presence of mind to run the other way.
  4. I never know what to say or do when somebody cries in front of me especially if its somebody I really care about.
  5. I really believe in “what goes around, comes round”
  6. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
  7. I love Salman Khan- The Indian movie star!!!
  8. If there was one thing I could change, about myself or my life, I wouldn’t change a single damn thing. Life is too short for regrets.
  9. I prefer winter even though I always say I hate it.
  10. I love seeing new places.
  11. I’m from the school of rock, and so are most of my friends.
  12. I’m greatful to God for my wonderful friends.
  13. I’m ambitious
  14. I’m difficult to please
  15. I don’t appreciate people who think they know ME, without actually knowing me.
  16. I think weddings are a lot of fun.
  17. The concept of rebirth makes no sense.
  18. I am always game for sic-fi and action-fantasy movies.
  19. I’d rather curl up at home with a book, than go to the mall.
  20. I miss my dad- A lot!
  21. I’d hate it if I were behind the times, technologically!
  22. I love this quote “When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead”- Barney Stinson
  23. I am fully aware that there are very few people who would want to read 25 random things about me.
  24. I try to face my fears head on. I have an Eleanor Roosevelt quote hanging near my desk that says, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”
  25. I am sarcastic, and I enjoy other people who are sarcastic because I can bust their chops and they don’t take me seriously.

So that’s about it! I succeeded in putting together 25 things about myself, and I didn’t really have to think too much to put this list together.

This is the start of a very long and fruitful association between me and all of you guys who are interested in reading what I have to say.

Together, we’ll talk about all the small things in life that fill the cracks and make it all worthwhile.

Take care and don’t forget Be social and Share, Share, Share!

🙂