In Pursuit of a Prince: Chapter 2

Every girl dreams of finding that one perfect guy. The one who will love her beyond anything. He’ll be honest and caring and supportive and understanding and all those wonderful things. We are conditioned from an early age that that mystical magical man is out there somewhere in the world. A Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman movie I saw a long time back called Practical Magic had this exchange between two 10 year old sisters who have magical powers:

 Sally: ” He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards.”

Gillian: What are you doing?

Sally: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. ” He can flip pancakes in the air. He’ll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he’ll have one green eye and one blue.”

Isn’t it a lovely exchange? As young as 10, the girl knew exactly what her true love would be like. That is the power of love- or atleast the concept of it.

There are some, like Sally, who know exactly what they want, they have what you might call, a checklist that they’d like to stick to. No sidetracking and no compromises. But, then there are some who find a few qualities in a partner and tend to believe that the others qualities will follow, because you can acquire good qualities right? Or good habits? Or maybe he will another side, which will compensate for whatever he lacks in good qualities, but how often does that happen? Yet, there are those who just want to play it by the field, try a few permutations & combinations and see where that gets them. But the agenda is always the same, find “happily ever after”.

She belonged to the latter of the group. When she was a child she always imagined having a husband like her daddy, till she grew up and realised her daddy wasn’t really as good a person as she’d made him out to be. As she grew older and saw the world and met more and more interesting people she began to change her idea of the perfect partner. And in one of her travels she met him; the one she thought could complete her.

He was charming, sweet and shy. They fell in love very quickly and so madly at that. Soon they became inseparable and she trusted him with her heart and she was a girl after his own. But she always felt he wasn’t 100% with her, there was something holding him back. Something he didn’t want to share with her and she, instead of confronting him with it as she should have, continued to put her faith in him, till one day she was exposed to that little bit of him that he always held back. She watched as all her faith and love blew up in front of her eyes. He betrayed her beyond anything. He took away a little piece of her heart that day. It was never the same!

As the years went by. she kept meeting more and more men and realising each of them was even more imperfect than the last. Companionship became merely a physical need and the emotional requirement began to wither away. And then ‘he’ came along, a rough diamond in the muck! He was not her usual smooth talking, charms and handsome kinda boy. He was different from all the others she’d been with and she hated him at first, he was weird and spoke oddly and they had a huge language barrier which seemed un-breachable. He kept trying to get her attention, he kept trying to impress her in his uncouth way and she saw him doing all of that and she still ignored him. Why was he being weird? She continued to ignore him, and he eventually stopped because what good was it to keep chasing her when she clearly didn’t care? A few months went by and the thought of him made her smile,  all his little comical antics made her long for him. She decided to look him up. He had most of the qualities she wanted but the exterior was horribly unkempt and VASTLY different from her group of classy friends. She thought about how to go about it and realised grooming was in order.

But at the same time, she was unsure if she should go the extra mile to groom, what if she didn’t end up with him either? What if he wasn’t her “happily ever after’? I mean, when you meet somebody and sparks fly, in that moment, it feels like anything is possible. The adrenaline rush, the surge in happiness and the general need to burst into song, all sounds and feels so magical that you almost want to cry.

Once that initial magic begins to wear off, the flaws start making themselves obvious. Habits, friends, priorities, finances and general ideas and opinions begin to puncture, not unlike pins. It’s all downhill from there! An obvious question at this point will be: if that’s how all relationships go, then what is the secret of the ones that survive?

The secret of those happy couples is that, they overcome those low points. They choose to go past those flaws, they decide to work through it together. It’s never giving up that differentiates a good relationship from the ones that didn’t survive. It’s really the will to go on. But often times the fine line between wanting to make it work and have ‘no option but’ to make it work becomes blurry. She feared, she’d invest all her time, love and effort into something which had a 50% chance of not working out. And if it didn’t, would she have the strength to break away? Or would she end up stuck with him because of an obvious fear of starting again? because being dependent on somebody is an extremely scary thing? or most importantly, she’d forget what she was like without him?

Was it really worth it?

 

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10 ways (tests) to know he is the one!

mr-right

Many of my girlfriends, who are still single and living the fabulous life, ask me how I knew my husband was the one for me. Truth is I didn’t and I don’t.. but I believe. I think that makes all the difference in the world. Fact is we never really know who is real and who is lying. There maybe a facade underneath the facade..how will you figure it out?

The best we can do, is look for a few things and the rest? Good faith, strong belief. I’m not an expert but I’ve listed down 10 essential things to look for (tests for him) when you’re trying to decide if he is the one.

  1. When you walk into the room…Is he looking at your face or is he checking out your cleavage?
    1. The ideal situation would be when you walk into the room, he looks at your face first then proceeds to check out your cleavage. (Why shouldn’t he? You’re hot and after all, he’s a man!)
  2. When deciding something…say for example you both decide to watch a movie, how does that conversation generally go about? Him: “I have booked tickets to go watch blah”, You: “I don’t really want to watch that”. Him: “Well..Too bad! I have already booked the tickets”- So no consultation and only Domination?
    1. NO WAY!!! Always consult. You don’t have to like the same things, but that doesn’t mean the other person’s opinion doesn’t count. He needs to take into consideration what you like and what you don’t and if he doesn’t care, then maybe he should find somebody who’s willing to put up with his crap.
  3. Does he respect his parents? Does he care of what they think, how they function? I don’t mean to be tethered to them with the eternal umbilical cord, but respect. Be aware of their feelings and their discomfort.
    1. Remember girls, if he respects his own parents, he will respect your parents as well.
  4. Is he self sufficient? Not how much money his dad has, or how fancy his dad’s car is? What about him? What does he earn?
    1. He may not have riches in his kitty, nor does he have to be the Duke of Yorkshire, but if he didn’t have anything can he take care of himself? or you? When you fall sick, will he drive you to the hospital, or will he wait for his daddy to send a car from home?
  5. How do you feel when he is not around? Do you smile, do you laugh?
    1. I shared this incident with a friend of mine. My husband has a habit of making cheesy jokes. For example, when I ask him what he wants for breakfast, he’d invariably reply “love” and some days he would add “you’re my breakfast, as long as I’m looking at you, I don’t need to eat anything”. I personally hate this drama- It’s so corny! Yet..on any morning, when he doesn’t say something silly, I start worrying if something is wrong. When he is not around, I almost always repeat these stories to my friends and I laugh, coz it’s sweet & funny.
  6. How does he treat your friends? Does he suck up or is he normal like he is with his friends? The trick is to balance. If he is going over the top to make your friends happy, then you’re absolutely right to be suspicious. We should never have to go that far to make somebody happy. It’s wrong of you to expect him to impress your friends as well. Friends are there for a reason- they love you and support you and if you screw up, they slap your face blind. But when you’ve made the right decision he shouldn’t have to impress anybody. They’ll already be impressed.
    1. He should be casual, friendly and just himself. If you’re expecting be somebody he is not to impress your friends, then you should check yourself- It basically means you know you’ve made the wrong choice and you don’t want your friends to throw it in your face so you’re getting him to suck up to them. Not cool girl!
  7. How does he consider your choices? Is he critical or judgmental or supportive?
    1. When my friend wanted to buy an expensive Gucci handbag from her second or third paycheck, her boyfriend couldn’t bring himself to be supportive. He explained to her how he would love for her to treat herself to something that fancy but it was too early to splurge and he would wish that she hold off for another month or so, but if she did’t want to wait then to go ahead and he will manage things at home for the next 2 months- That’s how it should be!
  8. What does he want to do in life?
    1. When my friend was getting married, I asked her husband-to-be what he wanted to do in life.. His response was one of the best I have heard. ” I don’t know what I want to do, but I do know what I want to be- A good husband, and a good father”
  9. What does he expect your position to be in his life? A wife, a friend?
    1. He should never forget you are his wife, but that doesn’t mean you stop being friends. Why should he choose one over the other?
  10. Why does he want to marry you?
    1. Because you make his life better, because with you he can imagine his life being so muchmore successful, because he wants to spend his life making you happy & because he can’t live without your smile.

Make the right decision my lovelies. Have faith, good things will come to you! 🙂

The uncredited sisters

Sometimes in life you come across people who are as different from you as night and day yet you connect in the most inexplicable way. There literally seems to be a string from your heart to theirs and that’s just amazing.

Some women in my life have that connection with me. I call them my friends but they truly are my sisters. Each and everyone of them has, at some point of time in life held my hand, wiped my tears and reassured me that it’s going to be alright and told me just what I wanted to hear, “Hey! Life sucks… and that’s a fact! Forget it and lets go have some fun“. Some of these women I have known for over a decade, some just a few weeks, but all of them are special and close to my heart.

I cannot truly say that men experience this feeling of sisterhood and solidarity the way women feel it, but if they could, would they view women differently? I always thought my blood and biological sister was the only one I would ever have and that was just the end of it. But I realised, quite later that you don’t need to be related by blood to be sisters and brothers, you can be sisters of the heart, the soul and the mind.

Every time something wonderful happens and you bow down and give credit to your family: your parents, your siblings, your elder grandma & grandpa, your husband and your kids and so on. How often do you give credit to your friends? And if you feel such a strong bond with some people, enough that you wonder if you have that kind of bond with people you share your blood with, then why don’t they get the same credit? Even when you know, some of those women are truly and honestly your sisters, in the actual sense of the word?

I say, “Bah! Humbug!” to all these silly notions and rules and everything in between. For me: my sisters are my sisters, blood or not I love you the same. You are by my side, never to leave me and as I have realised it is quite true that “In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips“. (Author Unknown)

So my dear darling beautiful chocolate chips, I dedicate this beautiful poem to you all, which sums up aptly what I feel.

From one sister to another: “I carry your heart with me” By E.E.Cummings

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
Anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant,
and whatever a sun will always sing is you.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows,
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart.
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart).
TO MY BLOOD AND BIOLOGICAL SISTER I SAY: “Some sisters only see each other on Mother’s Day and some never see each other their whole lives and even some who will never speak again.  But no sisterhood is like yours and mine… linked by volatile love, best friends who make other best friends ever so jealous” (Patricia Volk)

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