Every girl dreams of finding that one perfect guy. The one who will love her beyond anything. He’ll be honest and caring and supportive and understanding and all those wonderful things. We are conditioned from an early age that that mystical magical man is out there somewhere in the world. A Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman movie I saw a long time back called Practical Magic had this exchange between two 10 year old sisters who have magical powers:
Sally: ” He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards.”
Gillian: What are you doing?
Sally: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. ” He can flip pancakes in the air. He’ll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he’ll have one green eye and one blue.”
Isn’t it a lovely exchange? As young as 10, the girl knew exactly what her true love would be like. That is the power of love- or atleast the concept of it.
There are some, like Sally, who know exactly what they want, they have what you might call, a checklist that they’d like to stick to. No sidetracking and no compromises. But, then there are some who find a few qualities in a partner and tend to believe that the others qualities will follow, because you can acquire good qualities right? Or good habits? Or maybe he will another side, which will compensate for whatever he lacks in good qualities, but how often does that happen? Yet, there are those who just want to play it by the field, try a few permutations & combinations and see where that gets them. But the agenda is always the same, find “happily ever after”.
She belonged to the latter of the group. When she was a child she always imagined having a husband like her daddy, till she grew up and realised her daddy wasn’t really as good a person as she’d made him out to be. As she grew older and saw the world and met more and more interesting people she began to change her idea of the perfect partner. And in one of her travels she met him; the one she thought could complete her.
He was charming, sweet and shy. They fell in love very quickly and so madly at that. Soon they became inseparable and she trusted him with her heart and she was a girl after his own. But she always felt he wasn’t 100% with her, there was something holding him back. Something he didn’t want to share with her and she, instead of confronting him with it as she should have, continued to put her faith in him, till one day she was exposed to that little bit of him that he always held back. She watched as all her faith and love blew up in front of her eyes. He betrayed her beyond anything. He took away a little piece of her heart that day. It was never the same!
As the years went by. she kept meeting more and more men and realising each of them was even more imperfect than the last. Companionship became merely a physical need and the emotional requirement began to wither away. And then ‘he’ came along, a rough diamond in the muck! He was not her usual smooth talking, charms and handsome kinda boy. He was different from all the others she’d been with and she hated him at first, he was weird and spoke oddly and they had a huge language barrier which seemed un-breachable. He kept trying to get her attention, he kept trying to impress her in his uncouth way and she saw him doing all of that and she still ignored him. Why was he being weird? She continued to ignore him, and he eventually stopped because what good was it to keep chasing her when she clearly didn’t care? A few months went by and the thought of him made her smile, all his little comical antics made her long for him. She decided to look him up. He had most of the qualities she wanted but the exterior was horribly unkempt and VASTLY different from her group of classy friends. She thought about how to go about it and realised grooming was in order.
But at the same time, she was unsure if she should go the extra mile to groom, what if she didn’t end up with him either? What if he wasn’t her “happily ever after’? I mean, when you meet somebody and sparks fly, in that moment, it feels like anything is possible. The adrenaline rush, the surge in happiness and the general need to burst into song, all sounds and feels so magical that you almost want to cry.
Once that initial magic begins to wear off, the flaws start making themselves obvious. Habits, friends, priorities, finances and general ideas and opinions begin to puncture, not unlike pins. It’s all downhill from there! An obvious question at this point will be: if that’s how all relationships go, then what is the secret of the ones that survive?
The secret of those happy couples is that, they overcome those low points. They choose to go past those flaws, they decide to work through it together. It’s never giving up that differentiates a good relationship from the ones that didn’t survive. It’s really the will to go on. But often times the fine line between wanting to make it work and have ‘no option but’ to make it work becomes blurry. She feared, she’d invest all her time, love and effort into something which had a 50% chance of not working out. And if it didn’t, would she have the strength to break away? Or would she end up stuck with him because of an obvious fear of starting again? because being dependent on somebody is an extremely scary thing? or most importantly, she’d forget what she was like without him?
Was it really worth it?