Parenthood etc.

Being a parent is a feeling that absolutely cannot be put into words. It is easy and hard- all at the same time. You swing between exhaustion and elation so often that eventually the lines start to blur. But it’s awesome!

Before I became pregnant, my husband and I constantly questioned our ability to give up our life as it was, at the time. We read all the blogs we could, spoke to as many friends (who were parents) as we could and tried to figure out a pattern. There is not one single kind of parent or parenthood experience out there. For the most part I would categorize them into these 5:

  • The complainer: The parent who constantly complains of how their life has changed after a baby. Who talks only in past tense, and tries to live life vicariously through you.
  • The Struggler: The parent who will give rise to every hidden OCD instinct you may have. Constantly struggling to keep it together, this parent seems like they are on the brink of a breakdown and seriously need to unwind.
  • The Adventurer: The parent who thinks all the stuff people talk about on Baby center is common & old school. This parent is the pioneer of all things new age from advocating formula feeding against breast feeding to engaging in infant yoga to naming their child “Mango”, this parent is as unconventional as can get.
  • The Stickler: The parent who’d prefer death over doing the opposite of “What to expect, when you’re expecting” says. This parent is constantly researching, can possibly give up showering in favor of reading the 5000-word essay on breast feeding frequencies. This parent is likely to have a panic attack if something goes out plan, or the way it’s referred to in India- if they are asked a question outside of the syllabus.
  • The gangsta: The parent who reads all the information, does all the research, tries the baby yoga, struggles occasionally, but for the most part just goes with instinct, good sense and wings it sometimes. This parent knows that life does not stop because they had a baby, accepts that it’s going to be difficult at times but also knows that there is no bigger joy. This is the parent that knows for a fact that in the end, you gotta do what you gotta do. Basically, me! 🙂 Nah! Just Kidding. I try though!

Just like each child is different, so is each parent, and there is no way to decide which is better than which. Just because somebody is a complainer, doesn’t mean they are taking care of their baby any less than I am. In fact, they are probably doing a much better job. But it’s the constant complaining that undermines all that effort.

When I was pregnant a very dear friend (sort of an older brother really, and the biggest gangsta dad that I know) told my husband and I that those who complain about babies deterring them from “living” their lives, probably weren’t really living their lives the way they wanted to, in the first place- True Story SB! He told us the key was in  adopting some new stuff and letting go of some old stuff.

Till we had the baby, this was just another piece of advice. The first time we went out after the baby, this Became a reality. We realized very quickly that life doesn’t stop because you had a baby. It takes on a new direction. You have new purpose, renewed energy and new plans.

There is no doubt in my mind, that when you have a baby, there are times where you will have to give things up, your needs may be on the backburner to accommodate those of your baby and maybe, just maybe you’ll have days when there is no peace.

But when your baby smiles at you for the first time, rolls over, or starts crawling, you know that everything was worth it just so you can be here in this moment.

The hospital in which my baby was born is an hour+ away from my house. It’s the best in my city and we made the trip every 3-4 weeks in the beginning and now every 7-8weeks for her vaccinations and checkups. Every time we meet my daughter’s pediatrician, he asks us to talk about her. I give him all the updates, talk of her achievements, milestone progress and discuss whatever concerns we have. At the end of it all when he says, “You’re doing a fantastic job, guys”, there is no bigger award in the world!

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Good Enough

I used to dream that we’d be a family,

Once again, But then I was faced with reality

You weren’t there by my side,

and my life ain’t nothing but a tragedy.

 

I used to dream that I’d be whole again

But how can that happen in this world of pain,

How can I rise above it all?

When I ain’t got the strength to even break my fall?

 

I go to bed every night, feeling the same way

I’m tired with myself and just how I behave

When there ain’t no spark, how can I rage a fire?

Everytime I look in the mirror, I see a liar

 

I used to think nothing could ever touch me,

That your protection would always cushion me

But my naivete came at a price,

Coz life made me pay a fee.

 

Every promise said that, “you got me”

And Every hug meant that we’ll always be

Together, that makes us strong

But twin you just pushed me back and broke free

 

What do I gotta do to get your love?

I keep trying but you always shove

Me away and I know I should learn

But all you ever do is watch me burn

 

I’ve paid all my dues, gave away all my stuff

Moved across the world for a chance to earn your love

We were born together, heart, body & soul

How do I get you back? How can I be good enough?

 

Sibling rivalry and fallouts are a serious problem in this day & age. I recently witnessed one of the worst sibling fallouts I could have ever imagine and my heart goes out to the twins who were born together but now their life choices have pulled them apart. I’m praying for them and their situation brought my words to life. I hope they reconcile soon.

 

xx

In Pursuit of a Prince: Chapter 2

Every girl dreams of finding that one perfect guy. The one who will love her beyond anything. He’ll be honest and caring and supportive and understanding and all those wonderful things. We are conditioned from an early age that that mystical magical man is out there somewhere in the world. A Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman movie I saw a long time back called Practical Magic had this exchange between two 10 year old sisters who have magical powers:

 Sally: ” He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards.”

Gillian: What are you doing?

Sally: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. ” He can flip pancakes in the air. He’ll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he’ll have one green eye and one blue.”

Isn’t it a lovely exchange? As young as 10, the girl knew exactly what her true love would be like. That is the power of love- or atleast the concept of it.

There are some, like Sally, who know exactly what they want, they have what you might call, a checklist that they’d like to stick to. No sidetracking and no compromises. But, then there are some who find a few qualities in a partner and tend to believe that the others qualities will follow, because you can acquire good qualities right? Or good habits? Or maybe he will another side, which will compensate for whatever he lacks in good qualities, but how often does that happen? Yet, there are those who just want to play it by the field, try a few permutations & combinations and see where that gets them. But the agenda is always the same, find “happily ever after”.

She belonged to the latter of the group. When she was a child she always imagined having a husband like her daddy, till she grew up and realised her daddy wasn’t really as good a person as she’d made him out to be. As she grew older and saw the world and met more and more interesting people she began to change her idea of the perfect partner. And in one of her travels she met him; the one she thought could complete her.

He was charming, sweet and shy. They fell in love very quickly and so madly at that. Soon they became inseparable and she trusted him with her heart and she was a girl after his own. But she always felt he wasn’t 100% with her, there was something holding him back. Something he didn’t want to share with her and she, instead of confronting him with it as she should have, continued to put her faith in him, till one day she was exposed to that little bit of him that he always held back. She watched as all her faith and love blew up in front of her eyes. He betrayed her beyond anything. He took away a little piece of her heart that day. It was never the same!

As the years went by. she kept meeting more and more men and realising each of them was even more imperfect than the last. Companionship became merely a physical need and the emotional requirement began to wither away. And then ‘he’ came along, a rough diamond in the muck! He was not her usual smooth talking, charms and handsome kinda boy. He was different from all the others she’d been with and she hated him at first, he was weird and spoke oddly and they had a huge language barrier which seemed un-breachable. He kept trying to get her attention, he kept trying to impress her in his uncouth way and she saw him doing all of that and she still ignored him. Why was he being weird? She continued to ignore him, and he eventually stopped because what good was it to keep chasing her when she clearly didn’t care? A few months went by and the thought of him made her smile,  all his little comical antics made her long for him. She decided to look him up. He had most of the qualities she wanted but the exterior was horribly unkempt and VASTLY different from her group of classy friends. She thought about how to go about it and realised grooming was in order.

But at the same time, she was unsure if she should go the extra mile to groom, what if she didn’t end up with him either? What if he wasn’t her “happily ever after’? I mean, when you meet somebody and sparks fly, in that moment, it feels like anything is possible. The adrenaline rush, the surge in happiness and the general need to burst into song, all sounds and feels so magical that you almost want to cry.

Once that initial magic begins to wear off, the flaws start making themselves obvious. Habits, friends, priorities, finances and general ideas and opinions begin to puncture, not unlike pins. It’s all downhill from there! An obvious question at this point will be: if that’s how all relationships go, then what is the secret of the ones that survive?

The secret of those happy couples is that, they overcome those low points. They choose to go past those flaws, they decide to work through it together. It’s never giving up that differentiates a good relationship from the ones that didn’t survive. It’s really the will to go on. But often times the fine line between wanting to make it work and have ‘no option but’ to make it work becomes blurry. She feared, she’d invest all her time, love and effort into something which had a 50% chance of not working out. And if it didn’t, would she have the strength to break away? Or would she end up stuck with him because of an obvious fear of starting again? because being dependent on somebody is an extremely scary thing? or most importantly, she’d forget what she was like without him?

Was it really worth it?

 

The Love of my life

As opposed to what everybody assumes, my husband isn’t the love of my life. He knows this; we talk of it often but the truth is the truth and there’s no denying it.

Without revealing too much about my one true love, it’s pertinent that I tell you what makes him so special and what he truly means to me. He’s never going to read this and he knows I love him but the extent? I doubt he will ever understand.

Very few people know that we used to live together at one point: He & I and it was the best thing ever. I remember so many drives home from work when I’d invariably be having a bad day but just the thought of seeing him would cheer me up. Coming home, seeing him, I’d just light up and my happiness knew no bounds.

Our midnight drives, coffee runs and ice cream hunts: some amazing moments spent with him. He is the most avid listener I have ever come across. He never complained when I was in a bad mood, and as a matter of fact, he was never in a bad mood himself. One of the best things about him though, he was always so supportive. He never threw a tantrum and never did he ever get angry at me.

We had our moments of disagreement, I won’t lie. He often did things that I just could not deal with and many a times even failed to understand. I’d try to reason with him but he’d become this stone cold wall with no reaction, no justification and never a word of defence. His looking down was most certainly a sign of guilt that was near well impossible to miss.

He is a ladies man! Always has been, always will be. I never really see him deny it nor make any effort to hide it. I mean he & I would be walking alongside each other and he’d just leave me to walk up to some lady across the way. Unabashed and super chill! If that doesn’t surprise you, what will? I mean when he was with me, I was his be all and end all! But outside our home, he didn’t carry the same sentiment. You know he’d never eat anything unless I served it to him. He wouldn’t take care of himself, instead he’d wait for me to take care of him. Ask him why!

Other than the near philandering ways I’d say he was perfect! When he and I separated it was one of the worst things to have happened. I was inconsolable and I cried like a baby. It wasn’t possible for us to live together anymore due to circumstances that led to that moment but I knew my life would never been the same. You know when you’ve experienced that kind of love, nothing can ever compare.

I put him out of my mind for a while. Moved on, did things to keep busy. Met new people, made friends, travelled, but he was always there, in the back of my mind. He is still close to my family so he’d pop up in every family picture and somebody or the other always had their arm around him. I used to miss him more than words can say and Mukul could see my pain. There wasn’t much we could do about it but I began to feel that my life had lost the colour it needed.

And then, a few months ago, Mukul asked me if I’d like to bring him back into my life. I couldn’t deny its what I had been wanting to do myself but was unsure if Mukul was ready for it. But he was supportive and encouraging and just like that he was back! My friend, my love, the ruler of my heart, my Buddy!

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..

..

..

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Isn’t he the cutest?

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When we moved to Bangalore, we had to leave him back home in Delhi with our parents because we couldn’t take care of him alone, but he’s finally moved in with us and I couldn’t be happier. He makes everything better! Our lives, our health, our sense of peace and calmness…everything seems so great! A Blessing and a Gift and unending pool of love, this munchkin is everything and more that I could ask for, and his name is Buddy!

xoxo

 

 

 

The secret ingredient

When I was 15, I never imagined living away from my parents. I wanted to, but I didn’t think it would ever happen. When I turned 17 my parents sent me away to university and I couldn’t have been more greatful. It was freedom the kind I’d craved and it meant making my own decisions and it also meant a ‘HUGE’ bump in pocket money!!!  😮

In university, I learnt to wash my own clothes after I put all my clothes together in the washing machine and all the colors bled onto one another. I learnt how to make my own bed because, the lack of our housekeeper Roopa meant I’d come back to my dorm after classes to be greeted with a messy bed and a wet towel on top of my comforter. Also, learnt that I need to put my towel out on the line to dry if I didn’t want it to be smelly & gross & eventually grow mould. I learnt how to share a bathroom and keep all of my junk together in little bags as opposed to my dressing table back home, which if I have to be really honest with you, was my dumping ground for the wet towel I mentioned earlier.

But, the most important thing I learnt in University (besides the extremely expensive education my parents paid for) was how to cook. I mean I always knew how to cook, I mean who doesn’t? It’s easy to learn the technicalities, follow recipes available in books and online but you’re never quite sure if it turned out exactly like the pictures are you? It took me a while to bridge the gap between following instructions and the food actually tasting good.

Before I came to Uni my mom taught me how to put things together, no doubt about it. She was trying to teach me how to cook but I felt no need or interest in learning. But I soon developed the need to learn how to cook and that eventually became a point of interest, especially when I moved out of my hostel and into a private apartment building. A best friend I made in college taught me nuances, a few things to add or delete from some basic recipes and things started looking up. With every trip back home I took an active interest in what my mom was cooking, and she always made it a point to cook my favourite things. I’d go back to college & my shared apartment and always try out what I learnt, and if I must say so myself things I made turned out to be so great. Everybody loved it, but every morsel I put in my mouth tasted so so different from what my mom made. Why? How? I always seemed so confused about it. I’d cook the same things for my mom and she couldn’t find anything wrong with them either but I could.

I continued my cooking journey even after college and kept dazzling my friends (they were quite surprised that I knew how to turn on the gas, let alone cook) and my mother but I knew in my heart it was always missing something. Some years later when I got married I learnt some great things from my mother- in- law (also a great cook). I recreated those in her absence and for her approval as well and although she gave me a A+ it just wasn’t…

When Mukul & I got a place of our own I couldn’t get a cook for sometime so I took it upon myself to cook and with every vegetable I chopped, every pot I stirred, every dish I prepared, every time I plated it and served it I knew what I’d missed. Every bite Mukul would take and every time he’d open his eyes wider and say “mmmmm”, I’d take a step closer to acknowledging what gave my mother’s cooking that extra taste. Every time I cook his favourite meal and when he clears the dishes, he makes it a point to give me an extra few kisses and it always makes me smile and I finally know the secret ingredient..Love

If you cook, then you’ll know that when you’re in a good mood, the food that you make is always tasty, however small or large a portion it is. But when you’re in a foul mood things never tend to work out. My mother once told me that the key to making sure I cook good food is to remember to dump all of my stress, my sorrow & my grief before entering the kitchen. She told me that the food that I make (or anybody who cooks for more than themselves actually) not only feeds me but somebody else as well and I have to make sure I always add that extra ingredient: Love. Because that’s what I want in the bellies of my family & friends instead of all my life’s worries.

I have stood by this thought and I strongly endorse it too. Whenever Mukul & I fight we get take out or we pause the fight and go out. Another great idea for all you couples out there but that is another story for another time. For now I leave you with a little something on love: ” The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.” – Henry Miller

xoxo

 

10 STYLE trends for SUMMER 2016

We look up to Fashionistas and Designers to let us know the best style trends to follow every season. Each year fashion weeks are an affirmation of the current style, and what you see on the runway is a prediction of upcoming trends. These trends dictate our shopping;  our wardrobe and most importantly form the basis of our ensemble for the season.

I know so many people who’d choose to disagree and as much as non-conformists and idealists like to tell the world that they take themselves too seriously to care about what they wear (aka fashion) that’s really not the case. When designers showcase their creations on the runway, they provide a platform for the $1.2 trillion global Fashion industry to build on. From the runway: prints, designs, silhouettes, colours, craft and style trickle into the mainstream & fast fashion clothing industry making that trend available for everybody. So, even the smallest piece of clothing or accessory that you you see in the clearance section of a shopping mart, is actually the result of a super elaborate process that created fashion as we know it.

That being said Spring/Summer2016 has brought back some old school trends with a twist. From Kendall Jenner to India’s Sonam Kapoor everybody is reveling in these classics and putting their own spin to it.

  1. Coachella Dress: The Annual music and arts festival has inspired many a trend and most importantly the Coachella dress. Considered the Woodstock of our times the Coachella festival brings out the free spirit in you and the dress is meant to do the same. A loose, maxi silhouette in an organic fabric that treats your skin with love and lets you be casual & chic.

Available at: Shift by Nimish Shah

  1. Midi dress: Not all dresses can go from office to everywhere and won’t be considered in several social settings. Maxi dresses are too bohemian or too princess-y. There is a midway that meets both the styles and that’s the midi dress. Investing in a few midi-dresses makes your spring/summer wardrobe that much fuller, more wearable, and yes, even cooler.

Available at Mango and Asos

 

  1. Dyes & ombres: A celebration of colour, the dyed and ombre prints provide for a true bohemian and whimsical feel.

Available at Indelust and Tomas Maier

  1. The bob with texture: Spring is going to be the season for midway. With dresses, heels, bags and even your hairdo. While long hair is romantic, while a short haircut is got courage, but you can take pleasure in the best of both worlds by having a short to mid length hairdo. While straight hair is ultra chic, and spring curls are high school cheerleader, take the stand and be the mid-20s girl with wavy hair. Add texture to your bob mid- length bob for that playful bounce yet not letting your hair go too out of place. From work to a premiere your hair is all set.

 

  1. The contemporary bucket bag: Not slouchy, not rigid but structured. This season the bucket gets a chic makeover, from a bohemian, crocheted piece the bucket bag emerges as a style statement, versatile in its purpose and unrestrictive in space.

Available at Charles & Keith and Net-a-porter

  1. The classic white shirt with a twist: Originally considered to be a “men only” piece of clothing, women took this classic button down from the men and we owned it! And how! The classic white shirt has been through an endless number of twists and styles, but still always emerges as a staple piece in every girl’s wardrobe.

Available at Proenza Schouler and Neiman Marcus

 

  1. Bell sleeves: Bell sleeve tops are on the fashion forecast for 2016! They are fun to wear with shorts, skirts, and your favorite pair of jeans.

Available at Nordstorm and Zara

  1. Bardot dresses, tops & jumpsuits: Perhaps taking cues from what was popular in 70s, more than a few designers showcased tops and dresses with cold shoulder silhouettes for Spring 2016. This season it’s all about shrugging off your sleeve.

Available at River Island

 

  1. Denim on Denim: Once a faux pas, the denim on denim trend is breaking the barrier and fast! The secret ofcourse balance. Know your body, flatter your shape and most importantly keep the accessories from minimum to none. Don’t try to steal the spotlight from this bold choice.
  1. High waisted shorts: As temperatures rise, you’ll be more than happy to cut down on length and show off a little more leg. With high-waisted shorts you can do just that and occasionally step away from the dress option. In the right fabric high waisted shorts are perfect for either a casual brunch or an evening cocktail party.

Available at Stylebop

In pursuit of a Prince (Chapter 1)

Ever since she could remember, she always figured her husband would be like one of those guys you see in American movies. Charming, suave, well spoken, well groomed, tall. Handsome wasn’t necessarily on the list but well-groomed, well-spoken and charming trumps good looking any day. She’d daydream about him brewing coffee in the morning; making breakfast on weekends, even cooking on weekdays sometimes. An Indian girl’s American dream! Oh wow! More than anything else, it was the cooking she really looked forward to. It wasn’t as if she was a bad cook or an inexperienced one, quite the contrary but she just liked the idea of being cooked for. A dream of sorts for her, we could say. So she dreamed and dreamed and dreamed about her perfect man and his amazing cooking skills or atleast the idea of him. After all, a girl can dream, can’t she?

As it is in all Indian households, when she was old enough (atleast by their perception) to get married, her parents began looking for alliances. They weren’t closed minded people, oh no they most certainly were not! They, in fact kept asking her if she had a special someone in her life. She kept responding “No yet”. She said she was waiting..waiting for ‘The One’. She told them that she wasn’t going to go looking for him but she would sit back and let him find her. She was convinced that match making activities and online marriage portals wont lead her to him. He was going to carve the path that would lead to her. She had convinced herself that this was how it was meant to be. But you can’t really explain concepts such as these to Indian parents, can you? So what do you do? You give in and you hope that they inadvertently end up creating the bridge that will lead Him to find you.

Being caring and loving parents that they were they listened to her entire monologue on finding The One. They contemplated and subsequently confirmed that she did in fact want to get married, but her reassurances just confused them more. But she said, she wanted somebody who could cook. Parents being parents, they didn’t think it was as critical a criterion while selecting a possible husband for their precious darling. And I mean come on! What are you even supposed to say? “Our daughter won’t marry you unless you cook?” That would just sound like our daughter can’t cook. People will just think we didn’t teach her anything. She will come across as spoilt. We can’t risk that! Oh no no no!

So they searched and they met and they introduced their darling to several lovely boys, but she didn’t show too much interest. She returned from each meeting with a new deal breaker every time. The first one was too obsessed with his work; the next one was too obsessed with his looks. The third one seemed to love boys more than girls, and the fourth one smelt funny. The fifth, sixth and seventh were either too educated, too laidback or still connected to his parents with an umbilical cord of sorts. No! No! No! This was not working and she did not want to do it anymore. None of them were right and none of them were Mr.Right. The one she was looking for was just lost, needle in a haystack…you think? Her parents thought it best for her to find somebody on her own. Disappointment turned into sadness and soon depression, and bordered on thoughts like maybe she was being way too picky than was acceptable, maybe she didn’t know what it meant to recognize somebody for their inner beauty? Maybe she didn’t even know what went into deciding what was right for her in terms of a partner? Nobody trained her on the art of selecting a life partner, so how could she possibly be expected to know? There needs to be a rule book on things like this!! Ugh..!! But even amongst all these depressing thoughts, there was one underlining feeling, actually more of a faith now that you think of it. Faith that made her believe, that she was going to find him. He’s literally right around the corner, and when she finally meets him, she’ll recognize him for who he is: The One.

To be continued…

 

The bond that never was..

MotherDaughter

The apple of her eye, her precious little gem

Her sweet cherry pie, her adorable son

Her life’s purpose, Her pride and joy

Her inflated ego, her favorite toy

She felt relief like never before

“Thank God it’s a boy!” When she was told.

The years of frustration pain and agony

She just knew “the problem is me

She convinced herself that she was at fault

She cursed herself and with her body she fought

She had tried twice before but found they were girls

She had punished herself and punished the budding pearls

With no fault of theirs, they still had to pay

For their privileged brother they had to make way

Without a choice the girls sacrificed their life

Unflinchingly she made the unborn pay the price

But when she looks at him, she feels no sorrow

She feels no pain, no guilt, and no horror

But at night when she lies down herself

She hears whispers in the wind and she is forced to accept

The ghosts of her unborn linger around her

They cry and cry and call out to her

They ask her why she didn’t love them enough

They ask her why she felt such disgust

They badger her with questions all night long

She lays in fear, prays that she remain strong

One day she noticed that the ghosts weren’t there

Perhaps because her silence they couldn’t bear

For she had chosen to not argue with them

Not give them any response, any closure or satisfaction

She did not know that the ghosts had gone

Because in life & death she had disappointed her unborn

But the love of those girls never truly far

They watched over their brother, protected him from harm



 

That was then, and this is now,

Her son is an adult, he’s seen some ups and down

But in all those lows that he had been in

He was confident that nothing could touch him

Since he was a child he remembered the whispers

Telling him “its ok” whenever he whimpered

The reassuring voices told him they were there

They told him they would follow him no matter where.

He never told anybody, let alone his mother

He knew she wouldn’t understand, not even bother

But his angels were always by his side

In the worst & best of times

But one day when an accident occurred

Everything was quick and all a blur

He couldn’t remember whom he hit,

Nor did he know if he was hit

He was losing strength and consciousness too

He remembered thinking life was so cruel

His weeping mother begged and begged

To the Good Lord, as she sat by his bed

She prayed for his life, his breath

She prayed for his every step

10 days of nothing, he wasn’t getting better

Suddenly he opened his eyes and asked for water

She thanked the Lord for all that he had done

She felt victory, Her prayers had won

But something was strange, When she thought all was well,

Her lively, handsome son kept withdrawing in a shell

As it worsened, she could see

He was struggling to be

Himself again. Something was not right

He was angry with her, constantly picked a fight

She gathered the strength to ask him his troubles

Why he was choosing to live in his bubble

He said he would tell her but she wouldn’t,

Believe him anyway, since she just couldn’t.

He told her about his angels, how he was protected

She was intrigued, almost surprised by what he said.

As he recounted his experiences

She recalled those nightly instances

When She felt whispers around her,

burning her with questions, demanding answers

Her son then told her that the angels called out to him

They told him not to fear, but to walk towards them

He walked and walked and reached a door

And came face to face with them at the threshold

He saw tears on their faces and felt their pride

And they told me once again, that I was doing just fine,

They hugged me tight and told me how far I’d come

And then they announced, ‘It was time to go home.’

Although they wished we could all stay together

The journey ended here and we would part forever.

We were finally together and how,

Why would they push me away? Why now?

They said their purpose was to give me life

And I didn’t know what that meant till they held me tight

And told me they were my sisters and loved me so

That they would give up their lives a 100 times more.

When I opened my eyes and lay in my bed

I looked for my sisters and I gave into my dread

They had become whispers again, smiling in the sun

Encouraging me to go out and have fun,

I felt so much hatred. Hatred towards you,

For you had done the unthinkable, its true.

Because of you my sisters were never born

You robbed me of the most beautiful bond”



 

She cried so much Her strength was spent

At night she lay still, Her shock had no end

As she closed her eyes, she said a prayer

She hoped her strength would no longer waver

Bright light filled the room, as she opened her eyes

Before her they stood so beautiful so wise

She opened her arms and gave a smile

They ran to her as they began to cry

She asked for their forgiveness for everything past

They told her they loved her, they were together at last

She touched their face, and stroked their hair

She finally understood her grave mistake

Time went by and morning came

It was surprising that she was sleeping in so late

When they checked on her, she wouldn’t awake

She had a peaceful smile on her lovely face

They had reached her too late, she was already gone

In peace with the 2 that were never born.



 

10 ways (tests) to know he is the one!

mr-right

Many of my girlfriends, who are still single and living the fabulous life, ask me how I knew my husband was the one for me. Truth is I didn’t and I don’t.. but I believe. I think that makes all the difference in the world. Fact is we never really know who is real and who is lying. There maybe a facade underneath the facade..how will you figure it out?

The best we can do, is look for a few things and the rest? Good faith, strong belief. I’m not an expert but I’ve listed down 10 essential things to look for (tests for him) when you’re trying to decide if he is the one.

  1. When you walk into the room…Is he looking at your face or is he checking out your cleavage?
    1. The ideal situation would be when you walk into the room, he looks at your face first then proceeds to check out your cleavage. (Why shouldn’t he? You’re hot and after all, he’s a man!)
  2. When deciding something…say for example you both decide to watch a movie, how does that conversation generally go about? Him: “I have booked tickets to go watch blah”, You: “I don’t really want to watch that”. Him: “Well..Too bad! I have already booked the tickets”- So no consultation and only Domination?
    1. NO WAY!!! Always consult. You don’t have to like the same things, but that doesn’t mean the other person’s opinion doesn’t count. He needs to take into consideration what you like and what you don’t and if he doesn’t care, then maybe he should find somebody who’s willing to put up with his crap.
  3. Does he respect his parents? Does he care of what they think, how they function? I don’t mean to be tethered to them with the eternal umbilical cord, but respect. Be aware of their feelings and their discomfort.
    1. Remember girls, if he respects his own parents, he will respect your parents as well.
  4. Is he self sufficient? Not how much money his dad has, or how fancy his dad’s car is? What about him? What does he earn?
    1. He may not have riches in his kitty, nor does he have to be the Duke of Yorkshire, but if he didn’t have anything can he take care of himself? or you? When you fall sick, will he drive you to the hospital, or will he wait for his daddy to send a car from home?
  5. How do you feel when he is not around? Do you smile, do you laugh?
    1. I shared this incident with a friend of mine. My husband has a habit of making cheesy jokes. For example, when I ask him what he wants for breakfast, he’d invariably reply “love” and some days he would add “you’re my breakfast, as long as I’m looking at you, I don’t need to eat anything”. I personally hate this drama- It’s so corny! Yet..on any morning, when he doesn’t say something silly, I start worrying if something is wrong. When he is not around, I almost always repeat these stories to my friends and I laugh, coz it’s sweet & funny.
  6. How does he treat your friends? Does he suck up or is he normal like he is with his friends? The trick is to balance. If he is going over the top to make your friends happy, then you’re absolutely right to be suspicious. We should never have to go that far to make somebody happy. It’s wrong of you to expect him to impress your friends as well. Friends are there for a reason- they love you and support you and if you screw up, they slap your face blind. But when you’ve made the right decision he shouldn’t have to impress anybody. They’ll already be impressed.
    1. He should be casual, friendly and just himself. If you’re expecting be somebody he is not to impress your friends, then you should check yourself- It basically means you know you’ve made the wrong choice and you don’t want your friends to throw it in your face so you’re getting him to suck up to them. Not cool girl!
  7. How does he consider your choices? Is he critical or judgmental or supportive?
    1. When my friend wanted to buy an expensive Gucci handbag from her second or third paycheck, her boyfriend couldn’t bring himself to be supportive. He explained to her how he would love for her to treat herself to something that fancy but it was too early to splurge and he would wish that she hold off for another month or so, but if she did’t want to wait then to go ahead and he will manage things at home for the next 2 months- That’s how it should be!
  8. What does he want to do in life?
    1. When my friend was getting married, I asked her husband-to-be what he wanted to do in life.. His response was one of the best I have heard. ” I don’t know what I want to do, but I do know what I want to be- A good husband, and a good father”
  9. What does he expect your position to be in his life? A wife, a friend?
    1. He should never forget you are his wife, but that doesn’t mean you stop being friends. Why should he choose one over the other?
  10. Why does he want to marry you?
    1. Because you make his life better, because with you he can imagine his life being so muchmore successful, because he wants to spend his life making you happy & because he can’t live without your smile.

Make the right decision my lovelies. Have faith, good things will come to you! 🙂

Return of the Queen

cartoon-picture-of-girl-writing

To start off I have to thank the girl (you know who you are!) who had a sizeable role in me actually writing and posting today. Thank you girl! This one is just to brighten up your evening and hopefully make you laugh, and if you don’t, just guffaw a bit to make me happy 🙂

Writing is my passion- love it and I do it all the time, in some way or the other. I started this blog because I wanted to provide an outlet to this passion, and also coz as conceited as I am, I genuinely believe I have lots to talk about and tell you (I mean you– the reader) and I assume that you want to read what I write. But, with my professional life being so busy and full that I just can’t get the time to sit down and articulate my thoughts on so many various topics that are worth talking/writing about. So, my blog suffers and with the lack of regular content I lose a percentage of my readership. I hate it but sometimes it’s so difficult to juggle so many roles.

I wake up as me- the individual, then I transition to the wife, then to the boss at work. I talk to my mom and mom-in-law and I’m the daughter & daughter-in-law; I come home to being the wife and almost everyday I go to bed feeling like a Queen- having achieved everything that I have in the day. The flow of praises from my husband helps a lot in making me feel that way too. It’s amazing how much of a difference it makes- those few words of praise and appreciation, and trust me! My husband is very generous with his praise. I love it and they make me feel like a queen. 🙂

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Anyhow, before I get side tracked and turn the post around and start talking about my husband and my marriage, let us move on. As I was saying I love writing and I think it is an integral part of my life. You can most naturally ask if I love it so much and I don’t write my blog regularly what do I do to fill the void? I write an unnecessary number of emails at work. This is comical but for the sake of writing- I actually once wrote an email that said, “ love the design”, to a colleague who was sitting next to me staring at my computer screen and she said “I’M RIGHT HERE!” I literally had nothing to say! Was actually a first for me.

Besides writing several unnecessary emails I also write several long ones. Situations that don’t require the usage of as many words, sentences and paragraphs. This one time I took 2 hours to write an email because I wanted to make sure I wrote it ‘perfectly’. I wrote & re-wrote and re-wrote and after a few thousand iterations, I arrived at the perfect version of the email. I’m sure you’re wondering what could possibly be the nature of an email that requires being re-written so many times?

It was an email to my boss requesting for 10 days off from work for my sister-in-law’s wedding. Let me give you a brief background. I have the sweetest most amazing boss you could ever ask for. I love her to bits. She has all this amazing world experience and we work together on making our fashion house bigger and better. She has never known me to have a filter in the things I say (not that I have one), or my timing to say those things. So keeping all that in mind you can imagine how bizarre it was for her, my husband (and after this, I’m pretty sure, for you as well) that I worked on this email so much. For your amusement here it is below:

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Hey Boss! (*name replaced*)

I know this is a little odd but I had something really important to discuss with you. I wouldn’t be surprised if your first question is why didn’t I just discuss this with you 3 minutes ago when we were talking on the phone, but I was hesitating to the point of actually stammering. Anyway, I have a wedding in my family and I’m going to need to take off from work from *from date* – *to date*. I’ll be travelling to Delhi for the weeklong festivities. I’ll obviously be available on calls, emails and texts and that goes without saying. I hope it’s ok! I appreciate your support.

Thanks,

*My name*

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That was my email. That really was! What do you have to say now? I told my husband about the whole thing and as I opened my mac and put in the password to show him the e-mail, he kept wondering what I might have actually written. He thought I was probably nonsense-ing about having re-done the email a “ghazzillion” times (in my own words). When I showed him my email, he was like “Really? And you spent 2 hours on that? And you couldn’t have just called?” He couldn’t stop laughing. He gave me that I-wish-I’d-asked-her-parents-to-show-me-a-medical-checkup-certificate-to-confirm-that-she-was-sane-before they-married-her-off-to-me look. I kind of feel sorry for him at times.

Do you want to know my boss’s reply?

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Hey Divya!

Thank you so much for the heads up.

Hope you enjoy the wedding

X

*Boss’s Name*

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My husband asked me the next day why I wrote her an email, and I said because I needed to convey the message and at the time I was feeling super inspired to write, but I didn’t have a topic to write about, so the “not-so-fancy” email was born. I bet she was rolling her eyes while reading the email. I wouldn’t blame her. L

All this stupidity combined with a lovely message from an acquaintance asking me why I stopped writing really brought me back. So here I am…. & this time, I’m here to stay!

It’s the return of the Queen b*****s
!